Come True
by Michelle Rose Landau
Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made. (I made some changes to Chapter 11).
1. One

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

A/N: So, Tuesday's ep? Epic fail. What were there writers thinking? Sometimes I feel like they take the fact that fans of their show actually do notice the little details for granted. It's season four, Deeks has been with NCIS for almost as long...how is it that only Hetty remembered Deeks' birthday? That makes no sense. More than that, Kensi forgetting the date? And then, opting instead to placate some incompetent gang banger and his mom? Come. On. Are they for real? Deeks got no love this past episode, and while I enjoyed the case, the team dynamic sucked. Again: epic. Fail. When Deeks explained that Jenny was a former defendant of his, the rest of the team didn't even blink. They acted like they didn't even want to investigate the case at all. The dynamic was completely off, and very disappointing. I felt really bad for Deeks. Even the class clown has feelings. I really hope that they make something of all that transpired, perhaps by having Deeks react to the team's insensitivity. If they don't, thumbs down on this ep, because I feel that Deeks and Kensi have just taken a giant step backward. But I still love the show, and, there's always fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They (unfortunately, after this last episode) are the sole creative property of CBS.

~one~

He's not gonna lie: it hurt upon hearing Kensi's confession that the dinner plans she'd made were for her and someone else. On his birthday.

The fact that it was Jaime, that simple-minded cartel goon, made it even worse. Okay, so the idiot saved her life? So what? Compared to their partnership, yes, it was a good deed, but, he owed her that much for defending his sorry ass.

Deeks sighs as he swirls the the aged, and, admittedly, quite good scotch in his glass.

He knows the alcohol isn't going to make the dull ache in his heart go away, and he isn't one for drowning his sorrows.

He sets the glass down on his coffee table and lays along the length of his couch, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. Some comedy show is on, and he leaves it on the station, not really interested. His mind keeps replaying the entire scene, the part when Kensi tells him that she thought his birthday was later in the month. He really hopes that he didn't look as pathetic as he felt in that moment. She was thoroughly embarrassed, and the moment was completely awkward. Regret was in her eyes as she headed out, fresh, made up, and just...beautiful. And all for that dumb ass Jaime.

It was a sucker punch to the gut.

Deeks shakes his head of it.

It's just a birthday, he tries to tell himself.

While that's true, he did have hopes, expectations, he had things he wanted to say...

He may as well forget it, forget about it all because it won't matter after tomorrow.

Just as Deeks is dozing off, he hears a knock on his door, and he sits up with a slight groan, already knowing who it is.

He looks at his watch as he opens the door to Kensi.

"Ah, eleven...fifty. There's still ten minutes left of my birthday."

He sees the pink rise in her cheeks, and she looks down. Her shoulders are slightly hunched in shame. Oh yeah, her tails is definitely tucked. She had a light blue box in her hands and he points to it.

"What is that?"

She looks up at him, and she offers an apologetic smile.

"Can I come in?"

He nods and she steps in, leaving the aroma of her Chanel in the air.

God, her scent.

No, he thinks. You're supposed to be indulging in your righteous anger right now.

She sets the box onto the table excitedly, then she sobers, looking into his eyes.

"Deeks...I'm really sorry that I...forgot your birthday," she admits. "I didn't mean to."

He smirks bitterly. "And yet here we are."

She nods. "I um...I don't know how...we all forgot. Callen and Sam are feeling rotten about it. Eric and Nell, too."

He sits down on the couch.

"Callen, Sam, Eric, nor Nell are my partner," he snaps, and she feels even more terrible for causing his decidedly foul mood.

"I want to make it up to you, so," she pauses and takes out two candles shaped in a three and a two. "I made you a cake."

He can't help but grin. "You?"

"Yeah," she nods as she opens up the box.

It's a chocolate cake, and he looks at it in wonderment. The icing is perfect, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARTY is perfectly and elegantly written across the icing.

"Wow," he marvels. "It looks...edible..."

She rolls her eyes as she sinks the candles into the cake and lights them.

"_You_ made this cake?" Deeks asks. "Really? Your cooking skills are...remedial, at best..."

She frowns. "Okay, so my mom made it."

Deeks snorts, then he gets up, and she looks at him.

"What?"

"Your mom?"

She looks at him quizzically.

"Yeah," she says slowly. "Like you said, my cooking skills are lacking, so she made this one so that it would be utter perfection and...edible."

He crosses his arms over his chest.

"What?" She asks.

"Kens...you can't cook to save your life, but it would've meant a hell of a lot more," he huffs.

Kensi furrows her eyebrows at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that deep down, you don't feel bad enough," he accuses.

She frowns at him. "I do feel bad, but God, Deeks...what do you want me to do? What can I do?"

"You know what you can do?" He asks angrily. "You can stop pretending like this'll just blow over, like we'll just get over it and move on."

She feels her heart beginning to pound in her chest as a wave of anxiety begins to rush over her upon the realization that she has never seen Deeks this upset over something so little this...

"You can stop pretending like I'm not hurt," he says. "You really hurt me today Kensi, in more ways than one, and...you don't see that."

"I do see that," she argues, her chest feeling tight. "I wouldn't be here tonight if I didn't. What the hell do you want from me, Deeks? I'm sorry, okay? I-I honestly didn't mean to forget. It's just that the last couple of years, you've let your birthday pass by and-"

"No, you don't get to make excuses," he interrupts. "And dammit Kens, it's more than just about my birthday...today was the first time in a long, long time that I've felt alone in our partnership. I really thought we'd gotten past the hurdles, I thought that we'd finally settled...I thought that I'd..."

Kensi can't explain why she can't breathe, why she feels as though her world is going to crack, crumble, and shake around her.

"What?" She asks.

He can see that Kensi does not want to have this conversation, that this is making her uncomfortable, that she's nervous, and genuinely confused. He realizes that he's normally more patient with her, and that she's used to his calm demeanor, but his heart is pierced, and the pain is beginning to surface through the ache. They both know that there is more to this, and they are both afraid of it.

"I guess I haven't made it clear enough," he chuckles bitterly. "When I thought that I've actually made it abundantly clear..."

"Deeks, what are you talking about?" She asks impatiently.

"Don't you know by now that you..." He pauses, thinking if he really wants to say it, and he finds that yes, he really, really does. "Kensi, you're the most important woman in my life."

His confession, uttered gently and meekly, comes at her with the force of a tornado, and her breath leaves her.

"You're more to me than just my partner," he continues. "You're my best friend, you're...you've come to mean so much to me and-"

He stops himself, combing his fingers through his hair.

"Deeks..."

"You know how long it's been since I've spoken to either my mom or my sister?" He asks.

She shakes her head.

"Eight years," he says. "And it's been even longer since I've seen them...they don't even call on holidays..."

He pauses as he swallows back emotion.

"I leave messages," he explains in a shaky voice. "Messages, Kens..."

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Stop saying you're sorry!" He yells, making her jump slightly. "Sorry means nothing to me!"

"Well, what do you want me to say to that?" She shoots back. "What am I supposed to say to that? What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Do with it what you will," he says. "Okay? I-I'm done, Kensi. Done."

"Done with what?" She asks angrily, feeling her stomach twist into knots. "Will you just say what you mean?"

"All the time we've spent together lately outside of work, getting closer, the flirting...when I told you today about someone from my past, it took me and Hetty to convince you to help. I had to _convince_ you to help _me_. It was _me_ today, and you questioned it. You're my partner, Kensi, and I needed you to step up and be there in that moment. I needed you in that moment, I needed you this evening, and you...I honestly thought that things were changing between us for the better, I really thought that things were beginning to happen between us...things that I want to happen, which scares the hell out of me, but I want them nonetheless. But after today, I-I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure about anything."

"Deeks...I-I...you're my partner," she says, all the fire gone. "You know that I-I care about you. W-why are you making more out of this than what it is?"

"Because this _is_ more than what it is," he sighs. "It has been for a long time, and you know it, Kens. You damn well know it."

Kensi feels her heart racing, she can hear the blood rushing in her ears, feel the warmth of it fill her cheeks and suddenly make her body temperature rise. Her mind is swirling in confusion, fearful of the truth in his words. The fact that he is actually voicing everything that's been floating between them in a vast, invisible ocean scares her more than anything. He's not supposed to bring this up, they're not supposed to be bringing this all up, actively talking-arguing, rather-about it. It's too dangerous, too revealing, too...real. She has no idea what to do with everything that he's told her. All she knows is that he's hurt, really, badly hurt, and she really hopes not beyond repair.

She pushes her hair behind her ears, and he can see the tears glistening in her beautifully mismatched eyes. She looks so gorgeous and just...pretty in this moment, with at least some of her defenses down.

The silence lingers between them, and she shifts back to resilient, unaffected Kensi.

"I don't know what you want from me," she says coolly as she gathers up her purse. "I apologize about not remembering your birthday. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm trying to make things right, but I guess you're too mad right now, and you have a right to be."

She gathers up the cake.

"So...I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"No, you won't," he informs her.

"What?"

Deeks steps closer to her.

"I'm going back to LAPD for a while," he explains.

She swallows thickly.

"How long is a while?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Depends. I'll most likely get assigned, and when that happens, then it will be some time. Couple months, maybe more."

The anxiety she felt some minutes ago returns, coming on quicker as it tightens her chest, restricts her breathing, and induces nausea as her body realizes that her mind cannot bear the reality of his absence. It cannot bear what it will do to her.

"Deeks...w-why?"

"We need some distance," he says. "Time to figure things out."

"Figure what out?" She asks. "Deeks, you're my partner..."

"I'm tired of the games, I'm sick of having to prove myself," he explains. "I'm done with trying to prove to you that I-"

He stops, shaking his head.

Kensi blinks away tears.

"I guess you're right," she says. "We'll figure it out."

He grins slightly. "We always do."

She nods.

"Goodnight, Deeks," she says quietly, then she walks out.

* * *

Julia turns over in her bed and she glances at the clock.

It is a little after one in the morning, and she sits up, rubbing at her eyes.

She throws the covers off of her and she gets up slowly, sliding her feet into her slippers.

She makes her way down the hall to the steps, intending on getting a glass of water from the kitchen. She nearly jumps out of her skin at the realization that the light in the kitchen is on, but her fears quickly dissipate as she rounds the corner and finds her daughter sitting at the island, sniffling, and demolishing the beautiful chocolate birthday cake she is sure she'd made for Detective Deeks.

"Kensi?"

Kensi looks up and she quickly wipes at her tears.

"Hey."

"Darling, it's one o'clock in the morning," Julia says as she sits at the island. "What are you doing here? Isn't that your partner's birthday cake?"

Kensi eats another forkful of cake, then she speaks.

"Yes, it's his cake," she explains, her mouth full. "But he didn't want it. He didn't accept it, or my apology, and now everything is all screwed up."

Kensi angrily stabs her fork into the moist cake and eats another bite.

"Kensi, you're going to be sick if you eat anymore of that than you already have," Julia cautions. "You should talk about it, honey."

Kensi eats another bite.

"C'mon, sweetie," Julia coaxes. "You can talk to me about anything. You don't have to hide from me. I'm your mom. You don't have to be strong in front of me. What happened?"

Kensi looks at her mother, not bothering to interrupt the tears falling down her cheeks.

"We argued, and he said things to me that were..." She pauses and shakes her head. "Really, really hard to hear."

Kensi takes in a shaky breath, trying to keep herself together.

"He's going back to LAPD," she continues. "He said that we needed some time apart..._distance_..."

"Oh, sweetie..."

Kensi trembles. "He doesn't know how much those words scare me...but I deserve it. I really hurt Deeks, Mom. I hurt my partner, my best friend. I was thoughtless and insensitive. I bought dinner for one of our informants. Granted, he saved my life, but...Deeks saves me everyday...he's always there for me. He's kept my secrets..."

She releases a watery chuckle. "He even sent a rescue helicopter for me when I was on vacation. On top of emailing and texting me almost every second of everyday we were on leave. When I finally turned my phone back on, he'd called me fifty times. He left I don't know how many messages. When I saw that damn helicopter, I was pissed, but at the same time, it made me laugh. It was the sweetest thing he's ever done for me."

Julia offers a slight smile. "Yeah, that's really...sweet..."

Kensi chuckles a bit. "I know it sounds weird."

Julia grins. "He cares about you."

"Yeah...I did a shitty thing to him today. Now he's leaving..."

"Honey, if you two are truly best friends, then you'll be able to get past this," Julia says.

Kensi eats more of the cake.

"God," Kensi mumbles around cake. "Momma, I just...I'm such a coward."

"Kensi Marie Blye, you are the bravest person I've ever met in my life," Julia insists firmly. "Don't you ever, ever utter those words ever again. You made a mistake..."

"A huge one, Mom," Kensi sniffles. "When it comes to me and him, I am a coward."

"Kensi, you _are not_ a coward, nor are you a wallower. You dust off and fix it. That's what you do. And if he holds it against you, even after you've done all you can, then he doesn't deserve your friendship...he doesn't deserve _you_ at all."

Kensi pushes her hair behind her ears.

"I don't know how to fix it," she says.

"Well, sitting here gobbling up this cake isn't going to help," Julia advises. "Look, it's late. You should get some rest. Let things settle over tonight, then call him or meet him somewhere tomorrow. Talk to him."

Kensi nods.

"Thanks, mom," Kensi says, hugging her mother. "Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't," Julia assures. "Things will be okay, honey."

Julia kisses Kensi's forehead once she walks Kensi to the door.

"I love you, darling," Julia says.

Kensi grins. "Love you too, Mom."

* * *

Deeks finishes off his beer, then he sighs. He wants to go to sleep, but his mind is wired.

Dammit, why'd that woman have to be so stubborn?

_She's Kensi_, he thinks to himself, and he grins.

He's afraid of what their separation will do to them. To _her_.

She damn near went out of her mind when he left her side last year, and that hadn't even been real. He knows that she is crushed, because he is too, but he can't continue on this path with her. He can't continue to work with her with the false sense of security lingering between them. Today has caused his faith in their partnership to shake, and he can't protect her if he's distracted.

He can't have her back thinking about how hurt he is, how hurt she is. They can't afford that, not in the line of work they're in.

He's compromised in so many ways.

He'd long ago lost his ability to be objective.

When he first met Kensi, he knew there was something about her, something in her very nature that was dangerous, intriguing, electric, and difficult to say no to. It didn't take long for him to just know that he would do anything for her: enable her junk food addiction, let her take him down when they were sparring, watch _Titanic_ with her _and_ sing the song, let her rant, make a fool out of himself just to make her smile, or laugh, stay on the phone with her all night listening to her sobbing off and on as she released all the pain she'd been feeling about her father once learning the truth about his death, share hot cocoa with her and let her rest her head on his shoulder just watching the world go by on the USS Van Buren over Christmas.

_Anything_.

He'd fight for her, kill for her..._die_ for her.

She had to know that there isn't anything he _wouldn't_ do for her.

Deeks realizes that, for the first time in their partnership, she's taken him for granted, and that kills him inside. Utterly kills him.

It hurts. _Hurts like hell_.

He is not looking forward to tomorrow. He is not looking forward to walking into PD and being amongst strangers, just becoming another face in the department, just another badge. He isn't looking forward to the social awkwardness, and suddenly not feeling comfortable in his own skin.

Deeks rests his head back against the cushions.

It's not all about her, though.

It's definitely time to reevaluate things when he finds himself wanting to reach out his hands and play with a lock of her hair. It's never a good sign when he sees himself drowning his fingers into her hair and tilting her lips toward his, he can't concentrate on watching her back when he's watching her back_side_. He can't do the job Hetty hired him to do when he's thinking about just holding her close and smelling her fragrant neck.

He can't think clearly when he's often carried away by how gorgeous she looks.

Dear God, does he want to take a leap of faith.

He wanted to tonight.

He admits that he got his hopes up _high_ when he heard her making dinner reservations.

Never assume.

He shakes his head.

_I wish she'd let me be the man in her life that loves her. I want to be the man in her life that she loves. God, I love her._

Deeks grins a bit.

_OMG...I'm in love with Kensi Marie Blye_.

With that thought, he begins to doze off.

* * *

Kensi didn't let herself completely break down until she got in her car and drove down the street.

She pulled over, blinded by the torrent of tears, unable to breathe, unable to concentrate.

Ten minutes later, she is finally starting to calm, and she wipes at her tears.

She is tired, she has a headache, and she really needs some sleep, but she can't go home, she can't go to sleep with this specter of hurt lingering in her heart, between herself and Deeks. She could have never predicted that the situation would implode on itself and cause their world to completely shatter around them, the shards cutting so deeply.

She doesn't want to go home, she wants to go back to his place, she wants to talk to him, wants to...

She closes her eyes.

_Tell him the truth._

Kensi finds that she is frustrated with herself.

The one time she does need open up to her partner, she can't do it. She doesn't have the words to say, she doesn't feel nearly as brave about this as she usually does about everything else.

She grips the steering wheel, biting her lip.

_Dad, I wish you were here to tell me what to do...what to say. I miss you so much, Daddy. I really, really do. I would give anything to hear your voice again, smell you again, be in your arms again. If I could, I'd feel better about what I want to say to Deeks. I'd feel stronger, more sure...I'd feel more ready_.

She takes a deep breath, then she rummages in her purse for her cell phone.

Once she has it in her hands, she dials Deeks' cell, then she pulls away from the curb and back onto the road.

Her heart is in her throat, her stomach is queasy, and she feels as though she is going to vomit, and it makes her frown slightly because her mother had been right about her eating a little over half of Deeks' birthday cake.

The phone rings, and rings.

"C'mon, please pick up," she mutters to herself.

Finally, Deeks answers.

"Kens, I'm-"

"Please just hear me out," Kensi interrupts gently.

He sighs. "Okay."

Kensi gently nibbles at her bottom lip as she drives into the intersection once the light turns green.

"Kensi?"

"Deeks, I-"

Another vehicle smashes into the side of her car.


	2. Two

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made, setting in motion a chain of events that will change their lives.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

A/N: Thanks for the great response to this story! I appreciate the reviews. On with the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

* * *

~two~

Deeks' heart races as he hears metal colliding, scraping, twisting, and crushing, glass shattering, tires screeching, and then nothing but the sound of a car horn.

"Kensi talk to me," he pleads, hoping that he will hear something.

He hears nothing but the car horn, and he feels sick to his stomach.

"Kensi!?"

He grabs his other phone and he dials LAPD.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"This is Detective Marty Deeks, badge number 4003, I need a trace on a cell number right now, a friend of mine was just in a crash."

"What's the number?"

"626-431-7845," Deeks says.

"Okay, just give me a minute, detective...okay, just got a hit off of an On Star road accident alert," the woman says. "The name on the service is showing a Blye, Kensi."

"That's her," Deeks says. "Can you trace her location?"

"Emergency vehicles are being dispatched to the corner of Freemont and W. Vista."

"Thanks," he says, then he hangs up.

He grabs his keys and and heads out.

His heart is _thump_, _thump_, _thumping_ away, nearly about to jump out of his chest it seems, as he gets in his car and heads to Kensi's location. He is careful, but he drives fast, trying to make it to her as quickly as possible.

He replays the terrifying audio of the crash in his mind over and over again, coming back to the same end: the car horn. It'd sounded incredibly close and loud. The location is only a few blocks from Kensi's mother's house. That must've been where she'd gone after leaving his place.

By the time he reaches the scene, he sees red and blue lights flashing, illuminating the dim corner and disturbing the night surrounding it. There are two officers on the scene already, putting out flares, making calls, making way for emergency vehicles. His heart nearly stops as he sees the wreckage of Kensi's car. It is totaled, and wrapped around a pole. There is a bit of steam emanating from her hood, and there are pieces, parts, and glass leaving a trail on the street.

He comes to a stop behind another sector car, and he gets out.

He flashes his badge at the sentry behind the line.

"I know the victim, she's my partner," he explains quickly.

"Detective, I can't let you through, I-"

"I don't give a shit about protocols right now, let me through, that's my partner!" Deeks commands.

Another officer waves him through.

Deeks lifts up the tape and rushes over to Parker, one of his good friends from LAPD.

"Deeks," Parker says.

"How is she?" Deeks asks.

"She's alive, but unconscious," Parker explains. "Looks like a hit and run, no sign of the other driver. PD is checking the traffic cams as we speak. We haven't moved her at all, just been checking her pulse and her breathing. She's breathing on her own, so that's good. She's got a pretty nasty cut on her head, her arm looks broken...we won't know of her other injuries until rescue gets here. ETA the next five minutes."

Deeks goes over to the car and he gently reaches his his hand in and smoothes over her tussled hair. Her upper body is sagged against the steering wheel, her head resting on it. There is blood dripping down the side of her head, and her arm is broken, he can see the unnatural bump.

"_Kens_..." he calls loudly. "**Kensi**..."

She doesn't respond, but he can feel her breathing.

The ambulance arrives, and the paramedics are quick to shoo him aside, but he remains close.

He watches as they carefully put a neck brace on Kensi, then they talk amongst themselves.

Deeks hears them say that they can't get her out of the car, that the Jaws of Life are needed to pry open the door...that her leg might be pinned.

He swallows back the fear and nausea.

Things are moving so fast, yet so slow: the fire truck arrives, the firefighters take out the primitive looking, but effective, piece of machinery that has been involved in the process of saving crash victims' lives countless times since its first use. The fire crew disables the airbags, makes sure that the wiring in Kensi's car is cut and that there is no chance for anything else to spark or go wrong in this process.

In minutes, they have the door off of the car, and the paramedics and fire crew work together to get her on to the gurney without moving her too much to prevent further injury. They stabilize her spine, just in case she has a spinal injury, then finally, she is on the gurney and rolled into the ambulance.

Deeks entrusts his car to Parker, calls Callen, tells him what has happened, asks if he can take his car. Callen agrees to do him that favor, tells him that he and Sam will meet him at the hospital.

Deeks climbs into the back of the ambulance and holds on to Kensi's hand.

The paramedic working on her lifts her eyelids and flashes a pen light in her eyes.

"Kensi...Kensi, can you hear me?" He asks.

Deeks strokes her hand with his thumb, and he leans down and kisses her forehead.

Deeks feels so helpless in this moment, and he's never seen Kensi down like this. He is expecting her eyes to snap open, he is expecting her to recover, dust off, and get back on her feet. He is expecting to see her adorable frown of disapproval and frustration at stumbling, being blindsided, and then finding her resolve to kick some asses and take names. Even he has begun to think of Kensi in terms of invincibility, and this moment has forced him to face reality.

She's not invincible, he's not invincible. Sure, they are survivors, they know how to get out of messy situations on the job, but once they leave that office, they leave a little bit of their suspicion of the world, a little of their hyperawareness, a little of their fight behind; it's almost like the gods leaving Olympus and becoming human. They're still so strong, yet vulnerable.

They can prevent an attack, or a kidnapping, or another murder down to the second, but this...well, they can't control everything.

It's a painful realization, one that strikes the very heart of him as he looks at his partner, broken and unconscious.

Suddenly, there is manic beeping, and Devon, the paramedic looks at the monitors.

"Damn, she stopped breathing..."

He feels cold suddenly, as the terror of this moment smacks him in the face.

Deeks tries to move out of Devon's way as he works.

"ETA to the ER?"

"About three minutes," Devon's partner calls.

Three minutes too long.

"I'm bagging her," Devon says.

Devon intubates her quickly, and pumps air into her lungs.

"You'll be okay, Kens...I know you can hear me, Fern," he whispers. "You've got to hold on because you're gonna be fine, I promise. You know I can promise you that because that's one thing you've never doubted about me. I keep my promises, Kens...you know that I do."

They make it to the hospital, and Deeks follows Kensi into the ER.

"Twenty nine year old female car crash victim," Devon explains to the doctor as he continues to pump air into Kensi's lungs. "Unconscious, just stopped breathing about four minutes ago. Got a cut on her head, her arm is broken, her leg was pinned, might be broken as well."

Deeks follows Kensi until he is abruptly stopped by a middle aged female doctor.

"I need to be with her," he insists quickly.

"I know I understand sir, but we can't do what we need to do to help your friend-"

"Partner," Deeks corrects. "She's my partner and my friend."

"I understand, I know that you need to be with her, I know you feel helpless right now, but trust me, you're helping her far more by stepping back and letting me and my team do our jobs and save her life. We can't do that with you in there with us. We need to focus on her, you understand?"

It makes sense, and Deeks swallows back his pounding heart. His level of anxiety has increased ten fold with the idea that he has to step back and let the doctors and nurses do their jobs without his input. He's used to being the one to know what Kensi needs, but for right now, these medical professionals, these complete strangers, know what is best for Kensi at this point.

"Sir, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Deeks finally nods.

"Okay. I'm Dr. Paige Classen. I'll take good care of your partner."

With that, she heads further into the ER to tend to Kensi, leaving Deeks feeling even more useless and helpless.

He takes a seat and he rests his head in his hands.

"Deeks," he hears some time later, and he looks up and sees Callen and Sam approaching.

"How is she?"

Deeks shakes his head.

"I-I don't know," he says. "Kensi stopped breathing on the way here..."

"What happened?" Sam asks.

"Hit and run," Deeks explains. "LAPD's looking for the other driver...Kensi's car is completely totaled. I was on the phone with her...I heard the whole thing..."

"Deeks, it's not your fault," Callen assures.

"I know, it's just...I don't know if I'll ever be able to get the sound of it all out of my head. Hearing it is just as bad as seeing it, you know?"

Sam puts his hand on Deeks' shoulder.

"Kensi's a fighter, you know that," he assures.

Deeks nods.

Beyond the doors leading into the to the ER, Dr. Classen works to get Kensi breathing again. The heart monitor begins to slow, then Kensi flatlines as her heart tires of having to continue to work without oxygen.

"We need to shock her," Dr. Classen says.

The nurses cut her clothes and Dr. Classen takes the paddles into her hands once the defibrillator is brought to her. A nurse squeezes the gel onto the paddles, Dr. Classen rubs them together.

"Clear."

She places the paddles onto Kensi's chest and she sends the electricity through to Kensi's heart.

No response, and the machine charges again.

"Clear!" Dr. Classen says as she does it again, and Kensi's heart still doesn't respond to the treatment.

"Doctor, she hasn't been breathing for eight minutes," a nurse informs, and Dr. Classen nods.

"I know...a few more minutes. We'll give her a few more minutes. After that, I'm calling her..."


	3. Three

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

* * *

~three~

Kensi looks back as she walks along the beach. She sits down, near the shoreline, so close that the water just barely tickles her toes.

She sinks her toes into the sand, grinning a bit.

She's not much for the beach, but she figures she may as well enjoy it since she's here. It's been a while, and she inhales the smell of salt and foam, lets the breeze whisper through her hair, and watches the rhythm of the tide meeting the shore. It's rather overcast, but it's pleasant, calm. She is comfortable, clad in a white tank top and jean capris.

She hears the soft crush of sand approaching behind her, and it draws nearer, nearer...

Kensi finds that she is not afraid of the presence behind her, and she smiles as she gets up and turns round.

"Dad," she gushes, and she runs up and hugs him tightly.

Donald Blye quickly embraces his daughter.

"Hey Baby Girl," he marvels, tears in his eyes. "You're even more beautiful up close...look at you."

Kensi rests her head onto his chest, inhales deeply, and she smells his cologne, his soap, and she immediately falls into the memories of being in his arms as a little girl. He is just like she remembers, and she looks up at him, taking in his face, remembering his features up close because people always look differently than their pictures, and memories of people tend to alter and fade with time.

"I've missed you so much, dad," Kensi says, her voice trembling. "I'm so happy right now..."

"Me too," he smiles. "You've grown up into a brilliant, beautiful, young woman. I'm so proud of you, Baby Girl...wow, you look just like your mother now."

Kensi chuckles. "I guess, but I still think I look like you sometimes."

"You've got the stare," he muses.

She nods her agreement.

"I-I have so much to ask you...to tell you, daddy," she says excitedly, feeling like a little girl again. "Can we walk?"

"Sure," Don grins, offering her his arm.

Kensi hooks her arms in his.

They walk along the beach.

"It's been painful, watching you grow up from afar," he admits. "Especially the times when you needed me most, and I couldn't be there to hold you."

Kensi grins a bit.

"Well, you're here with me right now," she smiles.

Don leans in and kisses her forehead.

"You've read my sniper journal a lot," he mentions.

"Yeah," She confirms. "Every time I read it, I try to hear your voice...the letters you wrote me," she pauses to look into his eyes. "They're so beautiful...I can't read them without crying a little. It must have been so painful knowing that you couldn't ever mail them to me."

"It was," he nods. "All those missions, all I thought about was you and your mother. Sometimes, I wished that you and your mom weren't so understanding..."

"Dad, you had a job to do," she insists. "You were protecting our country. You're one of the most honorable men I've ever known in my life."

"Well, when Pete went rogue, that's when I should have served my family first," he sighs. "We should have told you the truth, Kensi. I should have...I should have gone with you and your mom. I shouldn't have left you two alone. When you showed up at the house, I wasn't surprised, but I worried like hell about you."

Kensi looks down.

"Sometimes I think..." She pauses to look at her father. "If I hadn't run away...if I'd just stayed with mom, then maybe..."

She takes in a shuddery breath, trying to suppress the the ache of memory.

"Maybe you would have been able to focus more on how to get Clairmont," she reveals. "If I-I hadn't been so selfish-"

"No," he interrupts firmly. "None of what happened was your fault. You had no control over what happened, Baby Girl. I don't want you to think that. You were so incredibly brave."

Kensi shrugs. "I guess..."

"You are, Kensi," he insists.

She stops and she sits down, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Don sits next to her.

"You _are_ the bravest woman I've ever known."

She shakes her head.

"Dad...I'm not the person everyone thinks I am," she says, then she sighs. "_Was_."

Don smoothes over her hair.

"I really messed things up," she frowns.

"Ah, that Deeks fellow."

"He's more than just a 'fellow' dad," Kensi grins. "He's my partner."

"I know," he says. "Does he ever shave?"

"Occasionally," Kensi chuckles. "When Hetty tells him to. But...I guess I'm used to the scruff...and the shaggy hair. We call him Shaggy 'cause he looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. He really does..."

She releases a laugh.

"Sam pretends that he can't stand him, but, he's warmed up to him," she muses. "Callen too. Deeks jokes around a lot, but he's a good detective. He...connects with people in a way that I can't sometimes. And he's just so..."

She pauses and she frowns slightly as she wipes a tear.

"Why am I crying?" She huffs, frustrated for a moment, then she continues. "He's so patient and forgiving. He treats everyone with respect, even at their lowest point, Deeks makes people feel deserving, worthy, and cared for. Even if he's having the worst day, he still manages to laugh. He makes people laugh...he makes _me_ laugh. And the stupid thing is that sometimes all his jokes and his optimism is _so_ damn annoying..."

She laughs a bit, then she looks away, and he sees tears. He gently tilts her face back to him and she sniffles and quickly wipes her tears.

Don smiles.

"Your face always lights up when you talk about him," he says.

"Dad...please don't," she sniffles. "You know it doesn't matter anymore."

She gets up and walks toward the water, and she lets the water flood over her feet.

"After all he's done for us," she reflects. "For _me_...I repay him by breaking his heart on his birthday."

Don comes to stand next to her.

"People forget sometimes," he sighs.

"Dad, you don't understand," she insists. "This has become about so much more than just his birthday...I really hurt him. I-I was trying to make things right, then next thing I know, I'm here with you. But even in that moment, I just...I-I didn't know what to say to him."

"What would you say to him now?" Don asks.

Kensi shakes her head. "It doesn't matter now, dad. I can't change what happened, I'm dead."

Don puts his hands on her shoulders. "Baby Girl, you're not dead."

She looks up at him, confusion etched into her features.

"What?"

"You not dead, Kensi," he explains.

"But...how am I talking to you?" She asks incredulously. "H-How am I here with you?"

"That's not important," he says. "What's important is how you're going to fix what happened between you and your partner."

She shrinks back a bit.

"I-I don't understand," she says. "I-I thought that I..."

She closes her eyes.

"Even if I'm not dead," she begins. "I don't know if there is any fixing things. Maybe...it's for the best."

Don fixes her with a knowing look.

"You're afraid."

She can't hide anything from her father. "Okay, yeah, I'm afraid."

"Why?"

Kensi crosses her arms over her chest.

"Because he...he's crossed so many damned boundaries that I don't even know where they are anymore," she huffs. "And...he decides to wait until the moment I completely crush him to cross that final boundary that he knows damn well we can't cross. It's not fair, dad. He all but pours his heart out to me, throws me for a loop, and he expects me to just...be okay?"

She sniffles.

"Would that be so bad?" He grins, and she balks.

"Yes," she frowns.

"You're so stubborn," he muses.

"Dad...I'm not being stubborn, I'm being rational, practical," she reasons. "One of us has to do the thinking."

"You think too much," he says.

"That may be true, but it's kept me from making the same mistake twice," she sighs.

Kensi looks up as the sky brightens.

The sun is trying to peek through gray, and she shields her eyes.

The air suddenly becomes still, and the tide begins to recede.

She steps into the water more, but it continues to recede, and she furrows her eyebrows.

It is bright, almost too bright, and hazy, and she turns to face her father.

"It's time to go, Baby Girl," Don says, his voice thick with emotion.

Kensi rushes back up to him. "Dad...I-I don't want to go."

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl," he says, his eyes glinting with tears. "I know, but you've got to go."

Kensi hugs him, clinging to him tightly, desperately, tears falling freely down her cheeks.

He holds her, kissing the top of her head. "I promise we'll see each other again, okay?"

"Please," she begs, beginning to sob. "Don't leave me again, Daddy. Please..."

"Oh, I'm not leaving you," he whispers. "Remember what I told you in my letters? My home is wherever you are, Baby Girl."

"I don't want to go," she sobs. "I-I can't...all I've wanted for so long was to see you, talk to you, and be held in your arms again. I've missed you so much, and it...it all still hurts so much. I need you, Dad. I really need you."

He pulls away and gently cups her wet cheeks in his hands.

"I know it does, Kensi," he cries. "But...you've got to live, honey. You've got your job..."

She shakes her head defiantly.

"I-I don't care about that," she cries. "Dad, please..."

"Look at me," he says. "You've got your mother to think about. She needs you...she's been so happy since you came back into her life. She deserves the chance to be a mother to you again. You've got friends who love you and care about you, and you still have work to do. You...you have a whole life to live, and you don't want to give that up just to be here with me."

"I'd give _anything_ just to stay here with you," she insists desperately. "I...I don't want to go...I don't want to be alone. I just want to stay with you because I need you."

"Live your life," he whispers. "Let yourself be happy, Kensi. You're going to be alright, honey. You're going to get married, make babies, make a home, travel...you won't be alone. You have to go back, and you have to make things right, you have to need someone else. It's time for you to need someone else."

Kensi is sobbing hysterically, still clinging to her beloved father.

"I-I c-can't," she stutters between violent sobs. "I-I don't kn-know h-how...I-I don't know...what...to say..."

"You know what to say," he assures.

"I-I c-can't..."

"Yes you can," he says.

"Tell me what to say," she begs. "I-I don't know what to say...I-I can't..."

"You'll know exactly what to say when the time's right," he promises.

He pulls away, and she tries to follow, but she can't move.

"You can't do this to me again!" She yells after him angrily, through her tears. "You can't leave me again...Daddy..."

"I love you, Baby Girl," Don calls. "I love you..."

"Daddy!"

"I love you."

Kensi feels her knees buckle, and she collapses into the sand, and she cries.

"I love you too, daddy..."

* * *

Callen returns to Sam and Deeks' company after stepping around the corner to give Hetty an update.

"Hetty says highway patrol may have found a suspect," he informs them.

"Where?"

"Pulled over on the side of the freeway," Callen explains. "The girl they found inside was drunk. They said she was sleeping like a baby; didn't even know what the hell was going on."

Deeks shakes his head. "Well, she sure as hell will know when we slap DWI on her..."

Sam nods toward Kensi's mother, who is sitting in the waiting room, dabbing at tears occasionally.

"How's Julia?"

"She's trying to be strong, but she's worried," Deeks reports. "It's her only daughter."

He rakes his hand through his hair, swallowing back the bile from his churning stomach. The wait has been agonizing for all of them, and he's been harassing every nurse and doctor coming in and out of the ER for the last fifteen minutes, all but begging for any news about Kensi's condition.

He tries to prepare himself for the possibility that his partner, his best friend, the woman that he has found himself in love with, won't make it. He tries to think about what he will say to Kensi's mother if she doesn't make it.

In this moment, it hits him that not only will he, Sam, and Callen lose their friend, their girl, but that Julia will lose her daughter. Her only _daughter_, her only _child_, with whom she sacrificed a relationship for the last fifteen years to give her those last few days to be her Daddy's girl, to guarantee her safety. The daughter that she isust barely getting to know as a grown woman. Deeks is sure that Julia had been thinking like he'd been thinking since he realized that there was something deeper between himself and Kensi: _I've got time._

But they don't.

None of them do.

Deeks enters the waiting room, and he sits down next to Julia.

She wipes her tears.

"I can't lose my daughter," she whispers. "Not now...not when I'm...I'm able to be her mother again."

Deeks gently takes her hand in his.

"Kensi is the most determined woman I've ever met," he says. "She...she wouldn't give up."

Julia nods. "I'm still getting to know her. When she was a child, I always thought about the day she grew up and became a woman. Then, last year, she's suddenly on my doorstep, grown, beautiful, with a career. It was like I'd stepped into a time portal, or something. I look at Kensi and I still think I'll blink and I'll be looking at my little girl."

Deeks grins, and she chuckles slightly.

"We didn't get along much," she muses. "Her father could do no wrong, but when it came to me...she fought me on everything. I just wanted her to act like a little girl...play with Barbies, wear dresses, and style her hair."

He laughs slightly. "It's a little hard for me to imagine Kens playing with Barbies."

Julia smiles. "Yeah...she resented me for a lot of things, for trying to impose my will upon her..."

"She's stubborn," Deeks says.

"I know," Julia agrees. "She was a spiteful little thing. When she was twelve, she got into a fight with a neighborhood boy, and they ended up in a muck. She came home covered in mud and dirt, scraped up, but victorious. Her father was proud, of course, but I was furious. She had such long, beautiful, wavy hair, and it was sticky and clumped with dirt. I made her wash, then I had to run a comb through it to untangle it. She yelled at me the whole time, and I yelled back while I...well, tortured her with the comb, to say the least."

"She finally got sick of me, and she smacked the comb out of my hand. I smacked her thigh for that, and she took off for her room and locked the door. An hour later, when her father finally got her out, we found that she'd taken a scissors to her hair. She'd cut it all off. I was so angry at her, but she was proud."

Julia wipes a tear. "I remember when she was around four or five years old, I told her to clean her room before we went for ice cream. She didn't like that at all. While I was making her lunch, I thought she was cleaning her room. When I went to check on her, she wasn't there. I called Don, panicked, and he called the MPs...they looked all over for her, and finally, they found her...at the ice cream shop. She'd taken it upon herself to walk to the store."

Deeks chuckles. "Yeah, that sounds about right. No one gets between her and Rocky Road when she wants it."

"Exactly," Julia chuckles. "Kensi was just...different, and I tried to change her, when I should have accepted her. That's why she clung to her father. He accepted her, he...saw a spirit in her, and he nurtured it."

Deeks grins. "She loves you, you know. Always has."

"I know," she nods.

Callen comes into the waiting room.

"Deeks," he says. "The doctor wants to speak to us."

He and Julia get up and head over to Dr. Classen.

"How's my daughter?" Julia asks.

Dr. Classen looks between the four of them.

"Are you all family?"

"Yes," Deeks answers. "How's Kensi?"

Dr. Classen sighs, taking off her gloves.


	4. Four

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

* * *

~four~

Dr. Classen grins a bit as she crumples up her gloves into her hand.

"We were able to revive her," she informs them, and Deeks nearly cries at the news, he is so relieved.

"That's great," he sighs.

"Yes," Dr. Classen agrees. "She's breathing on her own again, her heart rate is good...she's awake and alert. We're taking her to radiology momentarily. She's got a broken leg, and wrist. She'll likely need surgery to repair her wrist, but we'll set and cast her leg. Far as we can tell, she's responsive to stimuli, which indicates that she doesn't have any spinal injuries."

"Thank God," Julia sighs. "Can we see her?"

"Yes," Dr. Classen says. "But I must warn you, Kensi can't speak properly right now. The loss of oxygen to her brain is likely the cause. We're going to run some tests to see if there's any permanent brain damage, but I think that she'll regain her normal speech within the next few days. Overall, once she gets through surgery, and gets casted, she'll be on the mend. She is going to need some physical therapy as she recuperates, but I project that she will make a full recovery."

"I need to see her," Julia says.

"Sure, follow me this way," Dr. Classen says.

"Deeks, you go too," Sam says.

"Yes, just a couple of you," Dr. Classen says.

Dr. Classen escorts Julia and Deeks into the ER, and she slides the door open to Kensi's suite.

There are still some nurses working with her, and Julia immediately finds her way through and kisses her daughter's forehead.

"M-M...mum," Kensi slurs tiredly.

"Shh, honey," Julia whispers. "You're alright. I love you, darling. I'm happy you're okay."

Kensi is crying, and she reaches her good hand up, and Julia takes it. "You'll be fine, darling."

Kensi looks over and sees Deeks, and comes up beside Julia.

"You scared us for a sec there, Fern," he grins. "Good thing you're really stubborn when it counts."

"D-D..."

"Hey, you don't have to say it," he grins. "I know you're happy to see me."

Kensi manages to glare at him.

"That's my girl," Deeks smiles.

He leans in and kisses her cheek, then he smoothes over her hair. "You're going to be fine. And no, I'm not busting you out, so just forget about asking."

"We need to get her going," a nurse informs them.

Julia kisses Kensi's hand, then she and Deeks head out.

Deeks feels as though his heart is going to beat right out of him as he lets the relief and happiness wash over him. His knees feel unsteady, and he goes over and collapses into a chair, resting his elbows onto his knees, face in his hands. He is reeling, the anxiety draining from him, and the fatigue and nausea hit him full force.

Sam notices Deeks physically deflating, and he goes over to the agonized young man.

He can identify; when Callen got shot three years ago, and was barely hanging on, he thought he would go crazy too. The hours Callen was in surgery were pure torture, and he refused, absolutely refused to entertain the thought of having to work with a new partner. They'd come too far for Sam to have to start all over with some stranger. Callen is his best friend, his brother, and the thought of losing him scared him. He didn't let it show, of course, he had to be the strong one, but inside, his nerves were as steeled as linguine noodles. There's a certain brand of pain that comes with having to face the possibility of losing a partner, a friend who knows you better than you know yourself, to lose likely the only person in your life that is willing to take a bullet for you.

In Deeks' case, though, Sam suspects that there is something going on below the surface of it all. Sam was young once too-still is-but not as young as he used to be. He knows that the two youngest agents he works with are beginning to see possibilities for something more. He knows that of the two, Deeks is the one more willing to accept that notion. Kensi, not so much.

"Hey," Sam says, gently patting Deeks' shoulder.

Deeks sniffles and lifts his face, taking in a deep breath.

"Hey," he says, his voice trembling.

"Kensi's gonna be fine, man," Sam says. "You can breathe now."

Deeks nods.

"Yeah," he says with a slight chuckle. "Yeah, I know, man. I just...it _hurts_...it really hurts seeing Kens down like this..."

"I know," Sam says. "Deeks...breathe."

Deeks nods again, and he takes deep breaths.

"I understand how you feel," Sam says.

Deeks shakes his head. "This is different, Sam. I-I would explain it to you, but...I'm still trying to muddle through it myself and-"

"Who you think your talking to?" Sam asks rhetorically. "Look, I been workin' intelligence for longer than I care to admit...I've been in your shoes before."

Deeks snorts. "I doubt it."

"Just listen to me, Deeks," Sam says with a surprising patience and gentleness that he's never had for Deeks before. "I know what it's like to fall in love on the job."

Deeks looks up at him.

"Y-you're talking about Michelle?"

Sam nods. "I thought I was going crazy...told myself I was crossing too many boundaries. I'd worked with females on the job before, and I always knew where the line between friendly feelings and romantic feelings were. Sure, you joke, there's some flirting, you get close, but...you just know the difference. So, when it hits you, you know it's real, man. You know what it feels like, especially if you've had strong feelings about someone before, or if you were even in love once or twice before. You just _know_."

"I know I know," Deeks admits. "I just..."

"You want Kensi to know," Sam finishes, and Deeks nods.

"But...at the same time, I don't," Deeks says. "I-I don't know if I'm feeling this way because of our argument, or because of the crash...I'm confused right now, Sam. I don't want to screw anything up. Especially not now. All these months we've been pushing, and pushing...spending more time together outside of work, talking more, sitting or standing closer, trading little touches here and there. It's completely spiraled, and I don't know if there's any going back. And the craziest thing about it is that I'm not even sure I want to go back, but when she forgot my birthday, everything that I'd been trying to bury, everything that I'd been trying to hide just came out tonight, and I..."

Deeks shakes his head.

"I told her that I was going to go back to LAPD for a bit, and she was completely crushed. We left it at that. Then she called me, right before the crash...I knew that she was upset. She wanted to tell me something, and that's when the crash happened. I have no idea what she wanted to tell me, and then I had to face the possibility that I may _never_ get to hear anything she has to say to me _ever_ again...it's been too much."

He trembles, his stomach rolling, and he gets up and heads down the hallway to the restroom.

Callen comes over to Sam.

"How's Deeks holding up?"

Sam sighs.

"He's miserable."

"The doctor said that Kensi will be fine," Callen says.

"That's not the reason," Sam grins, and after a moment, Callen catches on.

Callen chuckles, shaking his head. "Good luck, Deeks."

* * *

The dreams Deeks has, as he sleeps fitfully, are strange and silly. He first dreams about Kensi singing jazz ballads on the first landing of the stairs in ops and Sam blowing bubbles, then he dreams that he is back in high school taking a test, and the last dream he has is about a car wreck, only in this instance, he and Kensi are both in the car, and he'd just leaned over to kiss her.

He jars awake before he can know either of their fates once the nocturnal crash occurs, and he sits up. As he does, he hears his bones pop and feels his muscles protest in a violent way, punishing him for falling asleep on the unforgiving hospital chairs.

He'd sprawled out at around three thirty, feeling incredibly exhausted, his stomach achy and queasy from vomiting, and a raging headache beginning to creep around the edges of his brain. One of the nurses who'd tended to Kensi informed him that it would be a couple of hours before they had any updates, and that even then, she'd be in post-op ICU for another hour. She told him that he may as well go home, but he quickly informed her that he wasn't going anywhere until he saw Kensi awake. Another nurse had graciously given him an aspirin and a bottle of water, and he took the items gratefully. He washed down the pills, and soon, he felt tiredness enshroud him. He stretched out in the waiting room, and as soon as his head rested upon his jacket, which was moonlighting as a pillow, his eyes slipped closed.

He rubs his eyes, then he rakes his hand through his hair as he slowly moves his legs so that his feet rest onto the floor.

"Good morning, Mr. Deeks."

He blinks a few times, then he sees Hetty approaching, with two searing hot cups of coffee.

"Anything on Kensi?" He asks.

Hetty gives him a scolding look.

"I realize that the condition of your partner has become your singular focus," she says indignantly. "However, that's no excuse for rudeness, Mr. Deeks."

"I'm sorry," he grins. "Good morning, Hetty."

"Indeed," she sighs as she sits down beside him. She hands him a cup of coffee and he takes it gratefully.

He takes a sip, and he lets the taste of it soak into the buds on his tongue, and he furrows his eyebrows.

"This...isn't from the hospital cafeteria."

"I couldn't possibly let you sip at the pig swill that this medical facility passes for coffee," she insists. "Not after the night you've had. This is a smooth, energizing blend from the Caribbean."

"It's good," Deeks chuckles slightly, then he rubs a hand over his face.

"You look like hell, Mr. Deeks."

"Well, I've been through it the last few hours," he sighs.

Hetty lays a hand on his shoulder.

"Kensi is alive, and she is safe," Hetty reminds him.

"Did LAPD make anything of the suspect?"

"Yes," Hetty confirms. "Her name is Laura Chambliss. She's eighteen. Her parents are very wealthy, and likely to contend with the district attorney over the charges against her."

"That kid almost killed Kensi," Deeks says angrily. "This deserves more than just a slap on the wrist."

"I have friends who owe me favors," Hetty says. "Justice will be served, Mr. Deeks, I can assure you."

Deeks nods.

She takes him in. There are dark circles around his eyes, his eyes are bloodshot from fitful sleep, he is pale, and more scruffier than usual.

"You should go home," Hetty advises. "Get cleaned up, get a few hours' rest."

"I need to see Kensi," he says. "I have to see her awake."

Hetty has never seen the detective like this before, but she knows the cause of the extraordinary amount of stress that he has been under over the night.

"In situations like this, emotions run high," she begins.

He looks at Hetty, who gives him a knowing look.

"Mr. Deeks," she warns. "Let things settle. Think about _exactly_ how you feel. Think long, and hard, detective because this too shall pass, and you will still have to face each other, you will still have to work together. Be _absolutely sure_."

"That's just it, Hetty," he sighs. "I _have_ thought about it. I've spent way too long thinking about it, thinking that I would have plenty of time to say what I feel. Then last night happened. I almost lost Kensi, Hetty, and I realized, what the hell am I waiting for? The bottom to drop out? Well guess what? It almost did the moment I almost lost Kensi, and I..."

He stops as he almost chokes on his next words, and Hetty puts her hand on his shoulder.

"I understand, Mr. Deeks," she sighs. "But, I caution you..._tread carefully_. Raw emotion makes even the most controlled of us foolish."

Deeks nods, and he wraps his hands around his cup of coffee, letting the warmth cut through the chill. The hospital is unbearably cold, and he shivers.

"Are you sure that you would like to return to LAPD for a while?"

He shakes his head. "No...I just...I was angry and hurt when I requested it, you're one down on the team. I don't want to make it two."

"I'm thinking about you, right now, Mr. Deeks," she insists. "What _you_ need."

"I'm fine," he says. "I mean...I will be. I just need to see Kens. I need to see that she's okay."

"Yes," Hetty says, getting up. "Let's go."

He grabs his coat, then they head up to Kensi's floor.

They check in with the nurse in the reception area, then they go into Kensi's room.

Deeks goes over to her and he smoothes over her hair.

She is sleeping heavily, likely from the pain medication her doctor is pushing. Her left arm and leg both have casts on them, and there is a bandage on the top of her forehead. She has several small scratches on her face from glass, which are going to heal quickly.

"Kensi will require several weeks for her to recuperate fully," Hetty begins. "I've already drafted the paperwork for her leave of absence."

Deeks sighs. "She's gonna be _pissed_."

"Yes, I imagine she will be," Hetty chuckles. "But Kensi's no fool. She can't possibly expect that I will allow her to hobble around OPS."

"Oh, but she sure will try," Deeks chuckles. "Aw man...Kensi isn't going to be a happy agent when she wakes up."

"No, she won't," Hetty says. "But...we must be gentle, yet firm, Mr. Deeks."

"Yeah, no," he begins sarcastically. "'Cause that approach always wears Kensi down."

The diminutive woman fixes him with a look. "Go home and rest, Mr. Deeks. I'll keep watch over Ms. Blye."

He nods. "Thanks, Hetty."

With that, he heads out, and Hetty takes a seat in the chair in the corner of Kensi's room, keeping watch over one of her youngest agents.

* * *

Julia jars awake from her quick nap, and she groans slightly as she rubs at her neck.

She looks at her watch, and she sees that it is a little after ten. She'd come earlier in the morning, around seven, when visiting hours had just begun, and she came just in time to snicker at the sight of Kensi's deep, frustrated frown at being bothered by her attending nurse. Kensi attempted to snap at the young nurse and tell her off, but her speech was still slow and slurred, and Kensi instead resorted to glaring at the nurse the whole time, making her contempt and discomfort known.

"You need to keep trying to speak," the nurse advised, which made Kensi even more angry. "You'll get your normal speech back."

Once Kensi was showered and settled for the day, breakfast was brought to her, and Kensi picked over it, eating a few bites before her exhaustion took over once again.

She is still sleeping, and Julia gets up and leans over and kisses her daughter's forehead.

Julia is beyond relieved that Kensi will be alright, because she can't bear the thought of losing her child, not after all the years without her in her life.

Julia still has so much to learn about her girl, and she's glad that she can still do that.

"I'll be back, darling," Julia whispers, then she heads out to get a cup of coffee.

She is just passing the reception area when she sees Deeks stepping onto the floor, with a bag in one hand and a carrier with two cups of coffee in hand.

"Morning," he says when he spots her.

"Good morning, Marty," Julia smiles.

"I called your house," he says. "I was going to ask if you wanted me to swing by to pick you up, but I figured that you must have been here already."

"Yeah," she confirms.

"I brought you some coffee," he says. "And I have some stuff for Kens."

"Thank you," she says as they head back to Kensi's room.

"How is she?" Deeks asks quietly as they enter her room.

"The nurses got her up earlier and helped her shower, brought her some breakfast," Julia grins. "It wasn't too appetizing to her."

"Yeah, Kensi prefers greasy breakfast burritos, or doughnuts," he grins.

"She gets her sweet tooth from me," Julia confesses.

"Yeah, I think she's successfully deluded herself into thinking that grease and refined sugar are another food group," Deeks quips, and Julia chuckles. "I brought some stuff from her apartment. Couple magazines, some mini chocolate doughnuts, and her iPad. The three of us? We're playing Words with Friends."

Julia smiles. "Yeah, she'll need something to pass the time. Thank you."

Deeks nods.

"You look better," she says.

"I feel better," he says.

Julia opened up her coffee and she poured some cream and sugar into it.

Kensi stirs with a groan and she awakens slowly as she inhales the smell of coffee. She blinks slowly, and she sees her mother grinning at her.

"Good morning, darling," she says, and Kensi offers a slight smile.

"Morning Sunshine."

Kensi looks toward the end of her bed, and she sees Deeks smirking around his cup of coffee, and her smile forms into a frown.

"What? You're not happy to see me?"

She points at his coffee.

"Y-you din...I..." She pauses and closes her eyes, finding her resolve to speak her thought clearly. She thinks what she wants to say faster than she can say it, and it is extremely frustrating. "I...I don' g-gee..."

She releases a growl of frustration.

Deeks figures out what she wants to say. "What? Why didn't I bring you a delicious, venti double shot mocha with whole milk and whipped cream on top from Starbucks? Because, you're going to be down and out, Fern. I'm thinking about input versus output, Kens. You eat a lot of junk food, and that would be okay because you exercise and burn it all off, but like I said, you're gonna be sitting around for some time coming up, so sugar? Not a good idea."

Kensi frowns deeply and she flips him off.

"Ha," Deeks jokes, taking it in stride. "What're you gonna do about it? Your punching arm is out of commission."

Kensi glares at him, her lips forming a tight line as she grabs her notepad and pencil. She angrily scrawls a response and shows it to him.

"Kensi!" Julia scolds.

"Oh, those are some choice words there," Deeks gasps. "And in front of your mom?"

She writes 'Sorry Mom' underneath, then she writes: 'Super hungry. Hospital food is CRAP.'

"I think I can smuggle in some contraband," Deeks smiles. "I've learned a thing or two from the bad guys over the years. But, so far, I brought you your next issues of _People_ and _Cosmopolitan_, your iPad, and...wait for it...mini chocolate doughnuts."

Her eyes light up as she takes the doughnuts immediately. She gets it open, and she stuffs two into her mouth.

She writes 'Thanks' on her pad, then she starts up her iPad.

"Alright, game. On," Deeks declares. "Words with Friends. Let's do this!"

Julia looks at her daughter, who shrugs.

"I'm going to go run some errands," Julia says. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"What? C'mon," Deeks smiles.

Julia kisses Kensi's forehead. "Try speaking some more, okay?"

Kensi nods.

Julia gathers up her purse and heads out.

The partners look at each other for a long moment, then Deeks clears his throat.

"I uh," he begins. "I'm glad you're okay, Kens."

She grins a bit, then she writes a note on her iPad and shows it to him.

'Thanks. It's good to be okay.'

He smiles.

She opens up Words with Friends.

"Alright, let's see what you got," he challenges.

After a moment, she grins smugly.

He looks at his phone and he smirks. "You would play that."


	5. Five

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: Thanks to you all for the incredible response to this story. I appreciate the reviews, follows, and favorites.

* * *

~five~

By mid afternoon the next day, Kensi's reputation as a patient changed, as she'd regained her normal speech for the most part. Apparently, she was very vocal about her displeasure at being disturbed, her disdain for the hospital fare, and her desire to be discharged..._immediately_. Of course, the nurses simply rolled their eyes and took it in stride, as Kensi wasn't exactly their first difficult patient, nor the last, and she certainly wasn't the _most_ difficult.

"Can I have another chocolate pudding, please?" Kensi asks the nurse in a perturbed tone.

Deeks rubs a hand over his face, then he crosses his arms over his chest.

Hetty remains stoic, even in the face of Kensi's kindled frustration.

"Ms. Blye, this is not up for debate," Hetty insists.

"Hetty...I don't want to sit around," Kensi argues. "I can still write...I can work in OPS with Eric and Nell."

"Actually, I suggested that to them," Deeks mentions.

"See?" Kensi says. "They don't mind."

"Uh, yeah, they do," he corrects.

Kensi cuts her eyes at him. "Thanks a lot."

"Kensi, you need time to recuperate," Hetty says firmly. "Besides, you have the time. Don't think of this time as a leave of absence. Think of it as a vacation."

Kensi frowns deeply.

"This is violently unfair," she complains.

"Deal with it, Ms. Blye," Hetty instructs. "You are not to step foot, in this case _hobble_, into the mission until you are fully healed. Good day, Ms. Blye."

Kensi's cheeks are pink with anger, and she rests her head back against the pillows.

The nurse makes it back with another pudding, and Kensi grabs at it, ripping it open with her teeth, and then she dunks her spoon in it petulantly.

"Remember Kens, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

She rolls her eyes. "I don't even know what that means!"

"It means," he begins as he takes her pudding away from her. "That if you keep stuffing your face with junk while you're down, it's going to start showing up in your ass-"

"Don't even say it!"

"_Assets_," he clarifies. "It's going to start showing in your assets."

She sighs.

"Can you bust me out of here, at least?" She begs. "I can't stand to stay here another minute."

"Kens, the doctor will discharge you in a couple of days," he says. "You need to just relax, okay? It's not like you've got any pressing engagements to get to. Relax."

Kensi nods, then she looks at him.

"Thanks for being here," she says quietly. "I..."

She pauses, and the words that they want to say hang between them, suspended by an awkwardness that reminds Kensi of when they first began working together. She remembers clearly the last few days; forgetting Deeks' birthday, their argument, the phone call before the crash...

"Kens...I'm your partner," he grins. "Where else would I be except right here?"

In this moment, those simple words, and his annoyingly charming, handsome grin, causes her to have an adverse reaction. Instead of reacting with a bashful grin and a playful eye roll like usual, she feels her breath leave her and the sting of tears because simple as his words are, they are loaded with the memory of all the words he'd said to her the night she came to apologize to him.

He seems to notice her reaction, and he steps closer to her.

"Kens, you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah," she says after a moment. "I'm just...Deeks..."

Deeks is aware of everything that still lingers between them, he is still keenly aware of how raw his emotions are, of how much it just _hurt_ once the possibility of losing Kensi became very real. The fact that it wouldn't even be because of their job made it even more painful.

"Kensi, I-"

"Deeks...c-can we just...start over?" She asks.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"Start over?"

She nods.

"What's there to start over from?" He asks, confusion etching his features.

"Deeks, things have just..." She pauses, trying to find the words. "Things have changed between us, and we can't let it happen..." She trails off when she sees the frustration on his face. "Deeks-"

"I don't want to start over," he huffs. "And even if I did, what? Are you saying just go right back to square one? I mean, we can't exactly press a frickin' rewind button here. This isn't some crap B movie, Kens, this is real life...this is our _partnership_. Don't you see how far we've come?"

"Yes, I do," she says in a wavering voice. "And that's the problem because we've gone too far, and I think...I-I think that we should just take a step back. Things are getting too personal; the night of the accident brought up so many feelings that-"

"Kensi, the things that I said," he explains. "The things that I've been feeling...it's not just out of the blue. I meant _every_. _Word_ of what I said that night."

"Deeks, you were hurt, and angry, and...neither of us were thinking-"

"Speak for yourself," he interrupts. "I was thinking just fine. I was thinking more clearly than I have in a long time."

"You just think that," she argues.

"I know that, Kens," he says angrily. "Stop it! Just stop it, okay?! Stop trying to make me feel like I'm crazy, or irrational!"

"You are being irrational," she frowns. "Will you just listen to me?"

He rubs a hand over his face, his jaw set.

"I admit that I've been a shitty friend-"

"No, you haven't," he sighs, some of his anger relenting. "You're a great friend, Kensi."

Kensi offers him a slight smile, then she turns solemn again.

"You're an amazing friend to me," she continues. "And...you were right. You needed me, and I wasn't there for you, and for that, I'm sorry. You've always been there for me, and for me to question you, to not back you up...it wasn't right."

"It's okay," he says softly.

"You're my partner," she says. "And...our friendship and our partnership mean so much to me. That's why we just need to...get back to basics, so to speak. We need to set boundaries again."

Deeks chuckles bitterly. "Boundaries? Kensi, we are past boundaries. We are past setting, rearranging, and just outright ignoring boundaries at this point. You are actively trying to avoid what's erupted between us."

Kensi looks away, shaking her head.

"I can't...let's not do this right now."

"Well then, when can we do this?" He asks. "Kens...do you have any idea what I've been through? Do you even care?"

"Of course I care," she hisses. "Do you care that I'm not ready to talk about this _because_ of what you've been through? What we both have been through?"

Deeks shakes his head.

"It's always about what you want," he charges. "All I do is give in to what you want, all the time-"

"That's not true, and you damn well know it!"

"It is true," he argues. "You'd rather have us bury and hide what's happening between us rather than face it and see what happens. If that's the choice you make for yourself, then that's fine, but I'm not going to let you make my choices for me. I'm not going to just force it all back in when it's out now, Kens."

She swallows the painful lump in her throat and she blinks back tears.

"Well, you're going to have to," she says.

"Dammit, Kensi I _can't_," he argues. "I almost _lost_ you the other day, Kens...and it damn near took everything out of me. You...you do that to me Kensi. I...I've gotten to the point where I can't separate professional from personal when it comes to you, and frankly, it's exhausting trying to because that separation doesn't exist anymore."

"Maybe not to you," she snaps. "But it exists to me."

He snorts. "That's bullshit, Kensi."

"You don't know-"

"It's bullshit, Kens, and you know it. You don't stand for bullshit, and you're not a bullshitter. Who are you kidding? This is _me_, Kensi. _Me_."

"Just stop!" She shoots back angrily. "Stop it!"

In this moment, Hetty's words echo in his mind; wise counsel from the sage little ninja, but he pushes it aside because he is too angry, too hurt, and too exhausted.

"Kensi...I-"

"Deeks, just stop it!" She yells tearfully. "Hetty made us become partners to watch each others' backs so we can do our job...she didn't put us together to fall-"

She stops abruptly, and she uses her free hand to quickly swipe at a tear.

Deeks rubs at his eyes, willing himself not to lose it in front of her.

He shivers and he drops his hands and looks at her.

"It's too late, Kens," he says, his voice shaking. "Kensi...I-"

"Don't say it, Deeks," she begs. "Not here, not now...it's not-you're not being fair..."

"_I'm_ not being fair?" He asks.

"No, you're not," she accuses angrily. "You're not being fair to either of us. You can't...you're just reacting to everything that happened. You're feeling this way because-"

Deeks shakes his head. "No...don't tell me how I'm feeling, nor the reasons why. I know how I feel, I know why I feel them. Don't you think I've tried to rationalize this over and over? I can't do it anymore...I know how I feel about you, and I've decided not to be afraid of it."

Kensi sniffles and wipes another tear.

"Why are you pushing this?" She asks tearfully.

"Because like I said to you that night," he explains, his eyes glistening with tears. "You're the most important woman in my life, I care about you Kensi. You're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning, and God knows that I'd do anything for you...and it's more than just the fact that you're my partner. It's so much more than that. I wish it were that simple, I really do, but it's not Kens. No matter how hard I try, I can't just file this away. I can't. I can't always be thinking about wanting to hold you, o-or caress your cheek, or kiss you while ignoring the reason why...it's because I love you."

"Stop..."

"I-I'm in love with you, Kensi," he confesses.

"Deeks...just stop!"

Kensi wipes at her tears and manages to pull herself together and her eyes turn steely.

"Get over it," she says coolly. "You need to get over it, and move on, Deeks. This can't happen. _We_ can't ever happen because we're partners, and more than that, I don't feel the same way."

He narrows his eyes at her. "I don't believe you."

"I don't give a shit whether you believe me or not," she fires back. "Either way, this is a mistake, Deeks. I don't make the same mistakes twice."

"No, you just run and hide instead. Some mistakes are worth making again, Kensi."

"Dammit, I'm trying to be rational, here," she argues.

"What were you going to say to me that night when you called me?" He asks.

"Deeks-"

"What were you going to tell me?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Deeks."

He releases a frustrated breath, and his heart feels like it'd just been hurled into a wood chipper. His chest is tight, and his body is trembling with anger.

"So that's it then?" He inquires.

Kensi remains cold. "Yeah, I guess that's it."

"Doesn't what I'm feeling matter at all to you?"

"This isn't about you and your feelings," she growls. "This is about the fact that you've managed to ruin a really good thing between us, Deeks. Things were just fine the way they were, but it wasn't good enough was it? It's never good enough! Something always has to change, something always has to come along to screw it all up!"

She looks away as tears fall down her cheeks. Her mind is racing, it's cloudy with emotion, and her heart is pumping guilt, fear, and anguish through her veins. There are words coming out of her mouth, but they are not words she wants to say, but her thoughts are so disconnected from her mouth.

"It's just never goddamn good enough!" She yells angrily, and she presses her hand to her wet cheek, catching her tears.

"Kensi..."

"No," she interrupts. "People say that they love you, but that means nothing to me, Deeks. They're just words. I'd rather be alone."

"I'm not some guy, Kensi," he says indignantly. "This is me. I'm your friend, your _partner_."

"It doesn't matter," she cries. "Deeks...it doesn't matter if it's you. If you were someone else, I'd be telling him the exact same thing I'm tell you now. You're trying to make this different, but it's not. It has to be this way, Deeks."

"No," he sighs. "It doesn't. You _want_ it to be this way..."

"Just get out, Deeks..."

"You're a damn selfish woman, Kensi."

"Goddammit Deeks, get the hell out!" She yells. "GET OUT!"

Deeks storms out of her room, pushing past Julia, who looks at him with concern.

"Marty, what's going on?"

He doesn't answer, he just goes down the hall to the elevators and steps on to it.

Julia goes into Kensi's room, and she sees her daughter crying.

"Kensi, what is going on?" Julia asks. "What happened?"

Kensi shakes her head. "Nothing..."

"Kensi, that wasn't nothing," Julia insists firmly. "You were yelling, Marty rushed out of here...both of you are crying...this is something."

"I-I can't talk about it right now, Mom," Kensi sniffles. "I really can't. I just need to be alone right now, please."

Julia nods, and she steps out.

* * *

Deeks is laying on his back in bed, and he turns and looks at the clock.

It is after two in the morning, and he still has yet to go to sleep.

He should be tired; after his argument with Kensi, he went for a long run, then he beat the hell out of his heavy bag, then he stood under the scalding hot spray in the shower until the water ran cold. Through all of that, most of his anger dissipated, and eventually, the ache in his heart lessened. Now, as he stares at his clock, he just feels numb. He'd switched off his brain, his emotions, his pain, and guilt, and frankly, it was the best decision he'd made all day.

He turns onto his side, and he is faced with Monty's nose.

Deeks had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the lovable mutt hop into bed with him.

The loyal pet whines a bit, then he licks Deeks' nose.

"Hey Monty," he says.

Monty groans and drapes his paw over Deeks' hand, seeming to sense his master's sadness.

Deeks scratches at Monty's ears, then he gets up.

"C'mon," he beckons, and Monty hops off of the bed and follows eagerly after.

He heads into the kitchen and he puts on a pot of coffee.

Once the coffee is finished brewing, Deeks pours himself a cup and then he goes to sit on his couch. Mony gets onto the couch and lays his head into Deeks' lap.

"I really messed up, boy," he sighs. "I thought I'd feel better about it all, but I feel like crap. God...I'm so in love with that woman, it hurts."

Monty looks up at him.

Deeks scratches Monty's ears gently.


	6. Six

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: Thank you so much for the phenomenal response to this story! All the the reviews, follows, and favorites are much appreciated!

* * *

~six~

Julia can't help herself.

She's _got_ to clean _something_.

Kensi was discharged from the hospital late in the evening last night, and Julia drove her to her house.

A few months after finding the truth about her father's murder, Kensi moved out of her tiny apartment, and has since been renting a bungalow around the same area. It was a nice place for it just being Kensi, however, the drawback, Julia mentioned when Kensi was moving, was that there was almost a little _too much_ space.

Kensi made a commitment then to be more organized.

Julia sighs as she looks around now. There are clothes strewn about on the couch, movies, magazines, and files scattered all over the coffee table, blankets draped sloppily over the couch and arm chair, there are a couple of yet-to-be-unpacked boxes stacked by the entertainment shelf on which her TV sits, and her bookshelf is in complete disarray. Her kitchen is even worse: dishes piled up in the sink, days old takeout in the fridge, crumbs on her small table, her counters are overrun by boxes of sugary cereals and snacks. Her bedroom is a horrifying scene of dirty clothes mixed in with not-quite-as-dirty clothes, her towel is in a damp lump on the floor, and her bathroom is scary.

From the looks of things, her daughter has yet to make good on that commitment...if she intends to make good on it at all. Julia sighs, realizing that she and her husband raised a complete _slob_.

Kensi is still sleeping, and Julia takes the chance to tidy up.

She first tackles the kitchen, taking out Kensi's underutilized cleaning supplies. She clears out the spoiled and expired food from the fridge and throws them into the trash can, then she washes the dishes in the sink. She sweeps the floor, puts foodstuffs from the counter into Kensi's cupboards, then she deep cleans the counters, and cleans out the sink.

She moves on to the living area, putting away clothes, organizing Kensi's DVDs, fixing her magazines and books, and dusting and rearranging the items on her bookshelf. The guest bedroom, she decides, is a project for another day, as it is full of junk. She quietly goes into Kensi's bedroom and she gathers up the pile of clothes next to her hamper, overflowing from the hamper, and she begins some laundry. Then she quietly begins to clean Kensi's bathroom.

Once she is finished, she rests a bit, now just focusing on getting some laundry knocked out.

It even looks brighter in the house, and Julia smiles to herself.

She is sure that Kensi will not be too happy about her cleaning up, but Julia feels better about leaving her daughter by herself in the house, considering the condition that she is in.

Her cell phone rings, and she sees that it is Deeks, and she answers.

"Hello?"

"Hi Julia," Deeks greets her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Julia smiles. "Yourself?"

"I'm good," he informs her. "Um...how's Kens? I know she was allowed to go home last night."

"Yeah, she's good," Julia explains. "She was exhausted from the hospital. She's still sleeping. If you're wanting to come over, she'll be up in a few hours..."

"No, I'll just um...let her rest," he declines.

Julia tilts her head to the side. "What happened between you two the other day?"

"Nothing, we just...it was a misunderstanding," he lies.

"It was more than that, Marty," Julia insists. "Kensi sulked for hours after you left, and she won't talk about it either. Does this have to do with the night of the crash? Is that it?"

He sighs. "I'd rather not talk about it right now, Julia. Do you or Kensi need anything?"

"Actually, I was on my way to the grocery store to get Kensi some food," Julia explains.

"I'll get her food," Deeks volunteers right away, a bit too eagerly. "I'll come by and drop it off. I'll come over while she's still sleeping."

He leaves no room for argument, and Julia agrees.

"Alright. I'll be here."

"Okay, I'll be over within a couple hours," he says. "I have a key, so I can let myself in through the back."

"Right, I'll see you in a bit."

With that, Julia hangs up, then she rests back into the couch.

She has no idea what is happening between her daughter and Marty, but she now has a single-minded determination to find out. Somebody that they work with must know what is going on. She starts with the one person that she trusts and knows well that will likely be able to give her some insights upfront, no games. She scrolls to the contact number and calls it.

* * *

Deeks gives Julia a heads up call as he pulls into Kensi's driveway.

He opens up the back door, and Julia greets him.

He sets the groceries onto the counter.

"Need some help?" Julia asks.

"No, I've got it," he says.

Julia begins to put the food away.

Monty comes rushing in, barking happily, and bouncing up onto his haunches.

"Hi Monty," Julia smiles, scratching the dog's ears. "Hi."

Monty wags his tail as he moves aside when Deeks comes back in with the rest of the groceries.

"I got some fresh stuff for her," Deeks explains. "Lots of fruit, lots of vegetables, some granola, wheat bread..."

Julia chuckles. "Oh, she's going to be mad..."

"Eh, she'll get over it," Deeks waves off. "Besides, she needs to eat healthy because she won't be able to exercise like she's used to for some weeks now."

"I'll make sure she does," Julia smiles.

Once the food is put away, Deeks looks around, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's...clean," he comments.

"Yeah, I cleaned up," Julia admits. "I was just so worried about her getting around with all her things strewn about."

"Wow..." Deeks marvels. "It's so bright...it smells good too."

"I just wanted her to have a clean place," Julia shrugs. "She's going to be upset, but, I feel better."

Deeks grins. "I'm sure she'll be fine with it."

"Do you want something to drink?" Julia asks. "Are you hungry? Kensi will be up in a bit, and I was going to make some lunch..."

Deeks admits that it's a tempting offer, especially when he considers the fact that Julia is an _amazing_ cook. He'd teased Kensi before about what she'd been missing all these years. It has been interesting seeing Julia take them both "in," so to speak; well, _him_ more so than Kensi because she's her daughter, but nonetheless, Julia sensed in him a void that she also felt the need to fill.

"I should probably go," he informs her after a long moment of tossing the idea back and forth in his mind.

Julia steps closer to him.

"Marty, what happened?" She asks. "Maybe there's something I can do to help. I just can't stand to see you two like this."

He sighs. "It's complicated right now, Julia."

She nods. "I understand. Well, you two should at least talk about it. You're miserable, I can tell. Kensi is miserable. Why put yourselves through that?"

"Look, Julia, I don't want to put myself through anything," Deeks huffs, then he dials back his frustration. "I'm not an agonizer, but I'm not a glutton for punishment, either. Kensi's so damn stubborn, and I-"

He stops, and he rubs a hand over his face.

Julia gently puts her hand on his shoulder. "I know my girl's stubborn. It's frustrating how stubborn she can be, but you and I both know it's more than just a survival mechanism...it's a coping mechanism too."

He nods his agreement.

"The fact of the matter is-"

"Mom?"

Kensi makes her way into the kitchen on her crutches, and she stops when she sees Deeks.

"What are you doing here?" She asks coolly.

Deeks raises his hands up in surrender. "I just came to drop off some groceries. I'm leaving."

Monty comes over to Kensi, and he whimpers as he nudges her good leg with his nose.

"Hi Monty," she says, softening a bit. "Hey buddy."

Deeks grins a bit. "I can leave him here with you for a bit, if you want. He misses you."

Kensi looks up at him, and her heart flutters, aches, and clenches at the same time.

"Okay," she accepts. "Thanks."

"I'll be back to get him in a couple hours," he says. "But uh, you've got plenty of fresh food."

"Thanks," she dismisses as she turns and heads into the living room.

Deeks heads out the back, and Julia looks between both of them, sighing.

"Mom, what'd you do?"

Julia comes into the living room and helps Kensi sit down on the couch.

"I cleaned up," Julia says.

"Why?" Kensi inquires, looking around. "It was fine."

"Honey, I didn't want you tripping over your things," Julia explains as she props Kensi's leg up with a pillow.

"_Mom_," Kensi groans. "I had a system...where is everything?"

"In its proper place," Julia explains. "I put your remotes right here, there's a few magazines, I also put your laptop on the coffee table so you'd have access to it."

"Thank you," Kensi says gratefully. "But mom, really...I can take care of myself. You don't have to hover."

"I'm not-"

Julia stops when her daughter gives her a knowing look, and she grins.

"You're right, I am hovering, but for good reason," Julia sighs. "I just want to be there for you, Kensi."

"Mom, it's okay," Kensi insists. "You are here for me...I love you, mom."

"I love you too, darling," Julia smiles. "Are you comfortable?"

Kensi nods. "Oreos and _Breakfast Club_?"

Julia chuckles. "Sure."

After retrieving the container of Oreos, Julia put the DVD into the player, then she sits down next to her daughter.

Kensi starts the movie, then she hands her mother an Oreo.

Julia grins, taking it gratefully, and they touch them together as they settle in.

About thirty minutes into the movie, Kensi ends up falling asleep, and Julia gently rouses her.

"Kensi, wake up," Julia whispers. "Let's move you so you can lie down."

Kensi yawns. "Mom, I'm okay..."

"You need to lie down," Julia insists. "C'mon, lay down."

Kensi complies without further protest, and she lays down on the couch. Julia makes sure her leg is propped, then she fluff the pillow underneath Kensi's head, before she covers her with the blanket.

"Thanks mom," Kensi mumbles sleepily.

Monty curls up on the floor near her.

While Kensi sleeps, Julia decides to make some meals, and she goes into the kitchen to get started.

Kensi fades in and out as the movie still plays, and she reaches her hand down and gently pets Monty.

She hears her mother's phone jingle, trying to reach over to pick it up, but it's just out of her reach.

"Mom, your cell is ringing," Kensi calls tiredly.

"Let it ring, Kensi," Julia says. "I'll check later."

Kensi closes her eyes and lets sleep take her.

Julia makes spaghetti, a casserole, and a stew. She puts the stew and the casserole in the freezer, then she makes Kensi a plate of dinner.

She rouses Kensi.

"Alright, darling, I've got to run," Julia announces as she leans down and kisses Kensi's forehead.

"Okay," Kensi says.

"I made some dinner," Julia explains. "Spaghetti for the next few days, and I put a casserole and a stew in the freezer. That should last you a while."

"Thanks, mom."

"I'll see you later," Julia says softly. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yeah," Kensi assures. "Mom, I'm fine, okay?"

Julia nods. "Okay. Call me if you need anything."

With that, Julia picks up her things and heads out.

* * *

After doing some grocery shopping of his own, and taking care of a few other errands, Deeks returns to Kensi's house. He becomes concerned when he hears Monty barking as he enters the door. Kensi isn't on the couch, and there is an empty plate on her coffee table, as well as an empty package of Oreos.

"Kensi?" He calls.

Monty comes running out to him.

"Hey buddy," Deeks greets the mutt.

Monty trots down the hallway, and Deeks follows him to the bathroom.

The shower is going, and he knocks on the door.

"Kens...you okay in there?"

"Deeks?"

"Yeah...you okay? Monty's out here barking like crazy."

"I'm fine," she tries, but Deeks knows better, hearing her voice falter.

"Kens..."

"Deeks, I'm fine."

"Okay," he replies, feigning surrender. "I'll just grab Monty. I'm goin' out the back."

He moves down the hallway, then he stops.

He waits a few minutes.

"You're still out there, aren't you?"

"Yeah," he says, going back to the door. "Kens, what's wrong? You're scaring me...are you decent? Can I come in?"

"Deeks I'm-"

"You not fine, Kensi," he insists firmly. "Now answer my question."

"Don't talk to me like that," she calls back stubbornly.

"Dammit Kensi, if you don't answer my question..."

"No, I'm not," she answers. "I..."

"What?"

"I slipped in the tub," she explains. "I hit my head."

"Kens...why didn't you call?"

"I left the phone in the living room."

Deeks sighs. "That was smart."

"Deeks, just call my mom and leave," she demands angrily.

"I'm here now," he rationalizes. "I'm not leaving you in the tub."

"Deeks, go away!"

"No. Look, whether you like it or not, I'm here. I'm coming in, okay?"

He opens the door, and he comes in, and he sees Kensi tangled in the shower curtain, and she is _pissed_. Her cheeks are a furious shade of pink, and she is shivering. Deeks turns the water off, then he looks at her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she frowns. "I'm just going to have a goose egg."

"You're not bleeding, are you?"

"No."

"Think you're ready to stand?"

"What do you think?" She replies nastily.

Deeks ignores her attitude, and he slowly, carefully, helps her up.

"Hold on to the towel rack, and **do not** move, understand?" He commands firmly.

She glares at him, but she complies.

He goes out for a moment, then he returns with her robe.

He hands it to her, and she takes it gratefully, and he turns around, so that she can get herself decent.

"Okay."

He turns around again to face her.

"You can go now," she dismisses as she grabs her crutches and begins to make her way out of the bathroom.

She makes her way to her bedroom, and she closes the door.

Deeks sighs, then he goes into her living room.

He cleans up her coffee table, washes out her dishes, then he grabs a bottle of water and her painkillers and sets them onto the coffee table.

He calls Julia, informs her about what happened; she tells him that she thinks she might just stay with Kensi for a bit, just to keep an eye on her, and he agrees with that plan.

Kensi emerges from her bedroom and she comes into the living room.

"Deeks, please go, I'm fine," she insists as she sits down on the couch.

"How's your head?" He asks.

"A little sore," she frowns. "Knocked me into a daze for a moment, but otherwise, I'm alright."

"Your mom's coming over," Deeks explains. "She's going to stay with you."

She nods. "Thanks, Deeks."

He grins.

"Anything else before I leave?"

"No," she says quietly.

Deeks can tell that she's embarrassed about him finding her in the tub, and he sits on the coffee table to be across from her.

"Kensi, you know that you don't have to go through this alone," he reminds her.

"I know that," she snaps. "Will you please just take Monty and go?"

Kensi crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from him.

"Kens, if you're looking for me to be sorry about what I said to you the other day-"

"That would be a start," she interrupts, looking at him.

"I'm not," Deeks replies softly.

"Then we have nothing else to discuss," she huffs. "Just go, Deeks. Hopefully, by the time I return to work, things will be back to normal because right now, this is just crazy."

"I can't unsay everything that I told you," he sighs, ever patient. "I don't want to. I meant what I said, Kensi, and honestly, I don't care that you're angry."

She chuckles bitterly. "Obviously."

Deeks rubs his hand over his eyes.

"Whatever," he sighs, getting up. "Forget it...c'mon, Monty."

He grabs his keys and heads to the door.

"You know, you ruined everything," she accuses spitefully. "You know damn well that we can't have more than what we've got, so why push it? You accuse me of being selfish...what about you?"

Deeks turns to look at her, and her heart aches, and her stomach twists at the look of hurt and resignation in his stunning blue eyes.

He shrugs. "Maybe I am selfish...maybe we're both being selfish. Either way, Kens...I'm done."

Kensi feels her heart drop into her stomach.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't just risk my heart like this for just any woman, Kensi," he explains. "You know, I get that you've been hurt before, but dammit Kens, you don't hold the monopoly on being rejected. I know what it feels like...but I don't let that scare me away. You're afraid, and instead of facing it, your impulse is to run away, just like you did all those years ago after your dad died."

"My father has nothing to do with this," she denies.

"He has everything to do with this," he argues. "You couldn't deal when you were a little girl, so you ran away. You use your father's memory as an excuse to not let anyone in. In your mind, he's so perfect, the rest of us can't measure up. Except Jack, maybe. I guess he must've been a carbon copy...right down to leaving you behind too."

Kensi feels tears sting her eyes.

"That was an awful thing to say..."

"It's the truth, Kensi," he continues. "I've made it abundantly clear to you that I'll always be there for you, that I'll never leave your side if I can help it...dammit Kens, I'm _right here_. You've got me...you've always _had_ me..."

She blinks back her tears.

"Until now," he finishes. "I can't work with you anymore, Kens. I'm not leaving NCIS, but...we need different partners. I can't do this anymore."

With that, he turns and heads out, leaving Kensi desperately wanting to call after him.

The door closes, locks, and she remains on the couch, silent.


	7. Seven

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: This took me a while to write, but I got it cranked out! Thank you for your patience in between updates. Life, work, and grief got in the way, but I take solace in my writing. This story has become deeply personal and cathartic for me, and I plan on adapting it into an original novel at some point. Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated.

* * *

~seven~

Deeks comes into work with a massive headache, and he hopes that the two venti coffees from Starbucks he has in his hands will help ease it with a caffeine overload. He also hopes that he doesn't look as exhausted and just plain terrible as he thinks he does. Getting up and going to work was absolutely the last thing he wanted to do, but his love for his job, coupled with the need for a distraction, allowed him to keep going. But he is damn sure going to hit the bed as soon as he makes it back home.

He barely slept the night before because of what he can only describe as night terrors. His subconscious had taken him to a place that he hadn't been to since the Lazic case, which ultimately got his former partner, Jess Trainor killed. For weeks, he woke up soaked in sweat, disoriented, and terrified because it seemed so real and vivid. He felt the heat of the explosion, felt the punches, felt the searing pain of grief all over again. He thought he was losing his mind, and he thought that he would never be able to overcome the trauma of it. The mandatory visits to psych services helped him sort through it all, and he was able to cope and eventually move on.

He hadn't been in love with Jess; he liked her, she liked him, but they were not good partners...professionally anyway. They'd slipped up, and he can admit that now. They got caught up in the safety of their friendship and the sex, and they got sloppy. When Lazic showed him the picture of him leaving her apartment, his suspicions weeks before that they might have been watched were confirmed, and it cost both of them dearly. He wasn't in love with her, not even close, but losing her hurt like hell because she was his friend.

Now, those feelings of loss, anger, guilt, and frustration are magnified because the difference this time is that he almost lost the woman that he is desperately in love with. Not since the night of the crash has he been able to escape those feelings, nor has he been able to recover and be business as usual. Last night he woke up screaming out Kensi's name in agony because in his sleep, he was losing her, right in his arms. He dreamed about the crash, and in it, he'd managed to get her out of the car, but he'd been unable to revive her, and he called her name over and over, and she never responded back. She was bloody and broken, and yet so gorgeous. He woke himself up with his scream, and he sat up, gasping for breath, shaking, and disoriented. Once he realized that he'd been dreaming, he broke down, replaying the sounds of the crash in his head.

Once he calmed down, Deeks headed to the beach, to get some air and clear his head.

He only slept a total of three hours last night, and it hadn't been restful. While he'd been much calmer, his mind shifted to thinking about his conversation with Kensi. Oh, he meant what he said, but meaning his words didn't make it any less painful of a situation.

When he informed Hetty of his desire for a different partner, she remained stoic, but she agreed to his request, even though he knew at the time that she otherwise didn't want that to happen.

Yes, he knows that Kensi's good for him, he knows that he's good for her. He knows within his heart that he and Kensi work, he gets that they get each other, and that they share a bond that is as essential as the air in their lungs and the blood in their veins.

The question that lingers is: does _Kensi_ know that?

He knows it, believes it...questions if _she_ believes it.

Deeks takes off his bag and sets it on the floor beside his desk, and it is then that he notices the large stack of files on his desk.

"Whoa...what's all this?" He asks to no one in particular, though Sam and Callen are present.

"Word is you want a new partner," Callen begins, not looking up from his paper work.

"Yeah, but...I was kind of hoping to like, tag along with you guys..."

"Deeks, this is an elite team," Sam smirks.

"And we don't take stow aways," Callen explains. "There is no 'tag along.' Either you've got a partner, or you don't. You want a new partner, you find one yourself."

Deeks is not in the mood.

"Is this some sort of punishment?" He asks.

"Why, of course not, Mr. Deeks," Hetty says, beckoning him over. "A word..."

Deeks follows her to her office, and he has a seat.

"Mr. Deeks, I am very concerned about you," she begins, not mincing words. "You look awful. What's troubling you?"

He sighs. "Look, can't this just be simple? It's already painful enough even going through this. I don't want to be partnered up with some stranger, Hetty."

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye will be out for some time coming, so you need a temporary partner," she explains. "Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna will manage just fine."

"I'll just ride alone," he offers. "No danger zones, just interviews, and then-"

"Mr. Deeks, you can't want a different partner, and then not select one because they're not Kensi."

"That's not the issue," he snaps, losing control of his irritation. "You know, why is it that I'm the one going through this shit? I'm so sick of us putting Kensi up on a goddamn pedestal, like she can do no wrong..."

Words were pouring from his mouth, each one of them injected with anger and bitterness.

"And maybe that's my fault. Actually, it _is_ my fault because I give in to her. I-I apologize just to make her happy, just to avoid those conversations...just to protect her, and avoid hurting her. I let her off the hook too easily, and that didn't do either of us any favors because now we're at this point, _I'm_ at this point. I'm going out of my ever loving mind, I can't sleep, I can't get the sound of that crash out of my head, I can't...stop talking..."

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

"I-I'm sorry," he mutters as he gets up and heads out to the courtyard towards the middle of the building.

Deeks paces, then he sits down on the bench, resting his head in his hands.

_This hurts so much_, he thinks to himself. _God, this hurts _too_ much. I never thought I'd go through this again...I want to just say forget it and move on. I want to hate Kensi for doing this to us, but I could never feel that way about her. This is ridiculous. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be like this. Why can't we just go back to the way things were? It would certainly make things easier...well, as easy as they could be with Kens_.

The doors open, and Sam steps out and sits next to Deeks.

Even though Deeks irritates the hell out of him four out of five days in the work week with his juvenile foolishness, Sam doesn't hesitate to say that the young man is a good man and a close friend with whom he will work with and fight with for many more years to come. He admits that though irritating, Deeks' antics often lighten the mood, and really, though Deeks will never admit it, it is for Kensi's benefit because though she tries to hide it, she gets a kick out of it. The girl laughs and smiles more now than she did in the first couple of years she worked for NCIS.

"You've got to pull it together, man," Sam advises. "You can't take all this crap out in the field with you."

"I know," Deeks sighs. "I know that."

The men sit in silence for a few minutes, then Deeks speaks again.

"Kensi hurt me," he reveals. "I'm _hurt_. She's hurting me, man. I never thought that she'd..."

"She's rough," Sam says. "Kensi knows how to defend herself physically and emotionally. She knocked you on your ass."

Deeks nods his agreement.

"I'm so in love with her," he whispers. "I told her that I was in love with her. I probably shouldn't have, but after nearly losing her, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I thought that maybe..."

"You thought she was ready to hear it," Sam finishes, and Deeks nods.

"I thought _I_ was ready to hear it...Kensi means everything to me, and she just..."

He trails off as a realization smacks him in the face, and then he continues.

"She doesn't get it," he continues. "She doesn't _want_ to get it, she's so damn stubborn."

"You can't make her feel the same way if she doesn't," Sam reminds him.

"I know that, but...I know Kensi. _I know her_. God...I've been falling for her for a long time. I-I only just became aware of it a few months back. We've been getting so close, and...I wouldn't put myself through this if I didn't feel that she's beginning to feel the same thing too. This is so real to me, and...it's been a long time since I've felt this way. In fact, this is the second time I've felt this way in my whole life. And the first time hurt just as bad as this, and the worst part of it all is..."

"What?" Sam presses.

"The first time around, I couldn't fix it," Deeks reflects. "And I'm losing faith that I'll be able to fix this time. I...I love her, I want to be the man that loves her, keeps her, and wants her. But none of that means a damn thing because..."

Deeks' breath hitches. "She doesn't want _me_. After all that we've been through, after almost losing her...she doesn't want me, at least not in the way that I've been hoping. So now, this has become about trying not to lose everything between us, and I don't even know if we'll ever be the same."

Sam nods, claps his large hand on Deeks' shoulder, making the leaner man wince slightly in pain, as he stands.

"You'll fix it man," he promises. "Sometimes, when it comes to the most important moments in our lives, it's a fight. She knocked you on your ass, she pummeled your heart-"

"I get it," Deeks interrupts.

"Look, what I'm trying to tell you is that you've got to get up man, and keep going," Sam explains. "If you want to save your partnership at the very least, defend yourself, Deeks. You sitting here, wallowing, feeling sorry for yourself...this is exactly what she wants. She's got you right where she wants you. She's punishing you for the mistakes the men before you have made with her. She's punishing you for being in love with her because she's terrified."

Deeks takes in Sam's counsel.

"I love Kensi like a sister," the older, much larger, and imposing man continues. "You know she's my homegirl, and she's tougher and rougher than me, you, and Callen combined. But get it straight, dude. I ain't _never_ put that little girl on a pedestal. Maybe Callen, maybe Hetty, but me? No. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and you know better than anyone that Kens has got a mean streak in her. When she first got here, she was scraggily, jagged around the edges, and painfully lonely. When you showed up, became her partner, she blossomed."

Deeks furrows his eyebrows.

"Kensi is different now because of you," Sam says. "She has come into her young womanhood. She's beautiful, smart...but unaware of her worth, and what she is worthy of. You can't make her realize that. Nothing you do will make her realize that. She's got to realize that herself."

Deeks nods.

"Stop fighting so damn hard for her. You'll drive yourself crazy, and it's getting you nowhere."

"I-I can't..."

"It wasn't a suggestion," Sam shoots back firmly. "You've pushed back enough. Trust me, you're gonna fix this. It's gonna get fixed."

"How?"

"First of all, take your heart, your confidence, and, not to mention, your balls, back from her, and don't let her _ever_ do this to you again," Sam instructs. "And second...let Kensi fight for _you_. I don't know about her wanting you or not, but I do know, she knows, that she _needs_ you, whether she admits it out loud, or not. You don't deserve this from her. You both deserve better than this, Deeks."

Deeks realizes that Sam is absolutely correct.

"You're right," Deeks admits. "Yeah..."

The doors open, and Hetty steps out.

"Mr. Deeks...I believe that I've found the solution to your situation."

* * *

Kensi tosses in her bed with a grunt, feeling uncomfortable, hot, and agitated.

She can't ever get comfortable with her casts, and more than that, her leg is itching like crazy, and she can't do a thing to relieve it.

At least tonight, she'd been able to get more sleep than she has in the last few days.

She looks at the clock and sees that it is almost three in the morning.

Kensi rubs a hand over her face, and she sighs, looking up at the ceiling.

She's only been home from the hospital for a little over a week, and she is going stir crazy. Her mother has been piddling around, keeping things meticulously tidy, her crutches make her angry, and she is always hungry. Not having much to do, she spends her days alternately watching movies and TV, flipping through magazines, and and trying not to think about Deeks.

She is unsuccessful in that endeavor, of course, as she always finds her thoughts drifting back to him, to the hurt and dejected look on his face, the pain and resignation in his blue eyes. Kensi never could have imagined that they'd end up at this point. She never thought that their very partnership would be put at risk by all that's happened. The idea of Deeks working with a new partner makes her sick to her stomach, and it frustrates her to no end because why should she care so much?

_If that's what he really wants, then fine_, she resolves bitterly. _He's being so bull-headed...why can't he just let this go? God...Deeks is in love with me..._

Her heart flutters.

_Maybe I should tell him the truth...I'm not sure about anything else, but...he deserves that much from me before he works with someone else_.

At this hour, when it's dark, and relatively quiet (optimal conditions), Kensi's ears have a strange way of playing tricks on her. She hears everything in the middle of the night, though in most cases, everything is usually nothing, but no less irritating. But sometimes, she is sure that the sounds are real, like the random raccoons that raided her trash cans one time, the screeching cats, the rustle of leaves and trees...

So when she hears glass shattering in the kitchen, coupled with a muffled, vaguely familiar sounding, male voice cursing, Kensi furrows her eyebrows, sure that this is one of the instances where she _isn't_ hearing things. Her mother had gone out earlier in the evening at her insistence to meet her friends for dinner. Julia had been reluctant to leave Kensi by herself, but Kensi all but nudged her mother out the door with her crutches. Kensi had gone to bed at around ten, and her mother still hadn't returned at the time, but surely she's back now, it's way too late.

Kensi takes a moment to collect herself.

She is certain that her mother is back, as she insists on staying here, and a night owl, her mother is not.

She deduces that someone has broken into her home, and she reaches over to open the drawer to her bedside table, and she grabs her cellphone. She dials 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I think someone just broke into my house..."

"What is your location ma'am?"

Kensi listens closely, and a moment later, she hears her mother's voice in the kitchen, then a chuckle, and she furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

"Ma'am?"

"Uh, hold on," she says.

"Ma'am, if this is a prank-"

"It's not a prank...just please hold on."

Kensi gets herself up and she grabs her crutches and she makes her way out of her bedroom slowly, her cell phone in her mouth. She sees the light on in the kitchen, and she hears laughing.

When she rounds the corner, what she sees genuinely shocks her, and she takes her phone out of her mouth.

"Sorry, it's a misunderstanding," Kensi apologizes, then she hangs up. "_Oh my gosh_..."

Julia looks up at her daughter. "Kensi...honey..."

Her mother is clad in a violet colored robe, and she has the broom in her hand, and she is standing next to the last person on earth Kensi expects to see in this moment.

"Granger?"

Owen remains stoic, straight faced, as he straightens from his crouched position.

He looks between mother and daughter, then he shoves his hands into his pockets.

"Well, this is awkward."

"What the hell is going on?" Kensi asks angrily.

Julia steps closer to Kensi. "Darling, I can explain..."

Kensi looks between her mother and Owen, considers their respective states of dress: her mother in a robe, and Granger in a button down shirt, jeans and a jacket, looking a little less put together than usual, and she puts the pieces together in her mind.

At that, she balks, and her mouth goes agape as she tries to find the words to speak her shock and...she doesn't even know what else...horror? No, not that dramatic. Disgust? No...disbelief? Better, but not quite.

A grimace forms on her face as she continues to let the pieces fall, and Kensi shakes her head.

"_EW_!"

"Kensi, let me explain, please," Julia petitions.

"Oh my..." Kensi begins as she hobbles away to the living room. "No..."

Julia follows, and Kensi plops onto the couch.

"Kensi, there's a lot that you don't know," Julia says.

Kensi snorts. "Ya think?"

Owen comes in. "Kensi-"

"No...I don't care what you have to say, I don't care that you're my boss," Kensi interrupts. "You are not doing...whatever it is you've _been_ doing, with my mom. No. This is...the height of unprofessionalism. I...I'm telling Hetty."

"Go ahead, what's she going to say?"

"You-"

"Now hold on," Julia huffs. "Both of you. Just stop it."

Kensi shakes her head, and crosses her arms over her chest.

Julia turns to Owen.

He comes over to her and he kisses her softly. "I'll see you later."

"The hell you will," Kensi hisses.

Owen heads out, leaving mother and daughter alone.

"I-I can't believe that you're...with..._him_," Kensi frets indignantly.

Julia puts her hands on her hips. "I wasn't aware that I needed your approval to date."

Kensi rubs her eyes. "Mom, it's not that. I-I didn't even know that you were dating...look, you dating isn't the issue. Mom..."

Julia combs her fingers through her hair.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kensi asks.

"Because I knew that you would react like this," Julia says.

"I'm reacting like this because you've kept the fact that you're dating my boss from me," Kensi argues. "He's my _boss_, mom. You can't date him. He can't do this."

"I don't work with Owen," Julia rationalizes. "Besides...you don't know him."

"Oh, I think I know him pretty well mom," Kensi says. "He accused me of murder last year...I don't trust him, and neither should you."

Julia shakes her head. "Sweetie..."

"How long, mom?"

"A year."

Kensi chuckles bitterly. "Well that's just wonderful. A _year_? Jeez, Mom..."

"You don't know him," Julia repeats. "Honey...there's so much that you don't know. If you did, you'd understand."

"Then why don't you enlighten me?" Kensi asks. "Talk to me, Mom..."

Julia shakes her head. "You're not ready to hear it..."

Kensi throws her hands up in frustration.

"Great," she huffs. "Since when did the people in my life begin to think that it's okay to decide what I am and am not ready for? First Deeks, now you..."

"I asked Owen about you and Marty," Julia says. "I wanted to know more so I could help. He said that you two are close. He said that..."

"What?"

"He said that he knew Marty would be good for you," Julia explains.

"How would he possibly know that?" Kensi asks. "Why is he even talking to you about NCIS matters? See? This is what I'm talking about. You can't date him."

"Kensi, don't tell me who I can and cannot date," Julia says firmly.

"Mom, Granger is the head of a federal agency," Kensi insists. "A federal agency that I happen to work for and-"

"Kensi I'm _happy_," Julia interrupts. "Do you know how long it's been since I've felt this way about anyone? Not since your father."

Kensi sighs.

"It was bad enough that I had to face a life without your father," Julia says tearfully. "But when you ran away from me, and stopped speaking to me...I didn't know if I would be able to go on. I'd been so lifeless and empty for so long...then you came back into my life, and that brought Owen into my life. I'm so happy, Kensi, and I'm sorry if you don't approve, but it's my life. You...you need people, Kensi."

Kensi looks at her mother.

"I know how important your job is to you," Julia continues. "But it's not going to be there to greet you when you get home. It's not going to hug and kiss you, it's not going to hold you after a long, hard day...it's not going to hold you at night when a bad dream frightens you..."

The mother sits down again, and she pushes a lock of hair from her daughter's face.

"You're a gorgeous, intelligent, and strong young woman. I am so proud of you, of all that you've accomplished. It's time, Kensi..."

"Time for what, mom?"

"Time that you let people in," Julia grins. "It's time for you to open your heart. It's time for you to be happy. I don't know all that's happened between you and Marty, but what I do know is that he cares about you deeply. Whatever happened, it's hurting you both. You need to fix this, Kensi."

"Deeks is the one-"

"It doesn't matter," Julia interrupts, then she grins a bit. "You're stubborn, just like your dad. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, darling. Your pride isn't worth losing everything you have with Marty."

With that, Julia kisses Kensi's forehead.

"Ready to go back to bed?"

"Uh, I'll just hang out here," Kensi replies.

Julia nods and stands. "I'm sorry you found out about Owen and I this way...you should talk to him...and to Marty."

Kensi nods, and Julia heads back to the guest room.

Kensi turns on the television, and rests back into the couch.

A few moments later, her phone jingles, and she picks it up and looks at it.

**Call me when u get this :-)**

She presses the button for his number.

"Hey," he answers.

"Hi," she greets him cordially. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"I uh...well, Kens...I really need to talk to you," he says. "Can I come by at around seven?"

"Yeah, but why so early?" She asks, paying special attention to the tenor of his voice. "You okay? You sound like..."

_Oh God...he's been crying. I know it, I can hear it..._ she thinks to herself.

"I'm just tired," he dismisses, but they both know otherwise.

Kensi sighs. "Well um, I'm not up by choice...we should talk in person because you will not believe what I'm going to tell you."

He chuckles a bit. "Okay, now my curiosity is piqued."

"And you won't be disappointed," she promises. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay," he says. "Bye."

"Bye."


	8. Eight

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: Yeah, so I thought I'd go out on a limb and keep the Granger/Julia relationship as part of the story. I personally got a kick out of your reactions. It made me laugh! I knew that revealing the Granger/Julia love connection would either make your hearts melt a little, or creep you out. Either way, I surprised myself with this pairing; as I tossed this story around in my head and fleshed out the details, I thought about how important this relationship would be to the overall plot, and I decided that it ultimately would be. To be perfectly honest, I like the pairing; it's helped me explore Granger as a character because let's face it: in this fandom the man is almost always a villain, or type casted in fics as a scheming bastard out to get the team in some way. I wanted to explore his softer side, and give Julia some love. I promise, it'll all come together. That being said, thank you so much for all the the reviews, follows, and favorites! It is much appreciated.

* * *

~eight~

Deeks uses his key to get into Kensi's house, and he finds her on the couch, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. She looks over at him, and she grins.

"Hey," she says quietly, and she tips her chin at the other cup of coffee sitting on her coffee table.

"Hey Kens," he greets her as he sits down on the couch next to her. He picks up his mug and takes a sip of the coffee. "It's good. I definitely need this."

The partners sit in strained silence for a few minutes, both of them sipping at their respective cups of coffee. Kensi sighs, and a slight, pensive frown forms on her face, and Deeks gently nudges her with his elbow.

"What's going on?" He asks with a grin. "I believe you promised to tell me something that I would not believe. Out with it, Fern."

Kensi twists her lips slightly, then she looks at him.

"Okay...but this has to stay between you and me," she preambles. "And, you have to promise not to laugh, or crack any of your corny jokes."

He holds up his hand. "Scout's honor."

She takes a deep breath and then she lets it out. "Okay...so earlier I was just lying in bed, and I heard glass shatter in the kitchen and I heard a male's voice. I called the police, thinking that someone broke into my house. A moment later, I heard my mom laughing and chattering...I walked into the kitchen, and..."

"And?" He presses.

"You have to swear that you're-"

"Seriously, you're killing me," he says. "Tell me."

"Okay. It was Granger," she reveals.

"Wait..." He pauses to process just what Kensi is telling him, then his eyes widen, and he looks at her in shock. "No..."

She nods. "Mmhm...yeah."

"Oh my God," he marvels. "So, Granger raided your fridge, and your mom..."

"_EW_!" She frowns. "I told you, no jokes! Gross!"

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "Wow...so are they like...together, or was it just like a booty call-"

"Stop it!" She hisses.

"I just want to get the details," he says. "Besides, Kens...don't you think you're overreacting just a _little_?"

"Don't you think you're _underreacting_ just a lot?" She retorts. "Deeks..._Assistant Director of NCIS_ Owen Granger is dating my mom. My _mom_, dude. But then again, it's you, so of course this wouldn't be a bad thing to you..."

He tilts his head to the side. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that your reaction totally makes sense because you're..._you_," she explains.

"Because I'm not freaking out about two grown people having s-"

"Don't say it," she cuts across him.

"_Relations_," he edits. "C'mon Kens...yeah, Granger's a weird guy, but...maybe there's a whole other side to him. And...your mom's hot."

Kensi glares at him.

"Just sayin'," he shrugs with a cheeky grin. "Even Callen said so...now, if it were him..."

"Deeks, _stop it_," she implores. "Can you please be serious?"

He clears his throat. "How long have they been seeing each other?"

"A year," Kensi huffs. "A whole damn year right under my nose! At the very least, my mom could have told me. Granger should have told me, just out of professional courtesy..."

She trails off when she sees him look up at the ceiling in thought.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just playing word association with Granger," he says, and after a moment, he shakes his head. "Yeah, no...the words _professional_ and _courtesy_ don't jive with Owen Granger. _Sneaky_? Yes. _Odd_? Sure. _Hopeless romantic_? Possibly."

She rubs a hand over her face.

"I just hate the fact that my mom felt the need to hide it all from me..."

Deeks sighs. "I'm sure that she wouldn't have unless she felt that there was a good reason..."

She cuts her eyes at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He narrows his eyes at her. "Nothing...I'm just saying that maybe she kind of knew you'd act like a big baby about it."

"He's our boss, Deeks," Kensi insists. "Our _boss_...I'm not acting like a baby. Am I the only one that takes a moment to stop and think rationally and practically?"

Deeks shakes his head. "Kens, you think too much. Sometimes, you...you just have to trust it, and jump in without thinking."

Kensi crosses her arms over her chest. "Well, unlike you, there are just some things that I can't accept."

Deeks sighs. "You know, Granger's actually kind of a decent guy when he wants to be."

She fixes him with a look. "Whose side are you on, exactly?"

"Kensi, this isn't about taking sides," he snaps. "You should talk to your mom, and to Granger. Like I said, I'm sure they both had their reasons."

Deeks finishes off his coffee, then he gets up.

He takes her mug and he goes into the kitchen to wash them out. Once he is finished with that task, he returns to the couch.

The conversation Deeks wants to have with her lingers between them.

"What'd you want to tell me?" Kensi asks.

Deeks' heart clenches as he thinks about his words. He knows that they will both be hurt either way, but the least he can do is be delicate, and hope that this can play out without any more damage being done.

"I um...I talked to Hetty about us possibly working with different partners," he begins. "And um...I wasn't able to switch us off to work with Callen or Sam. She wanted me to choose a new partner altogether, and I couldn't do it. So...Hetty suggested that I get some training in."

She looks at him. "What does that mean?"

He swallows the lump forming in his throat.

"There's a specialized training at Camp Lejeune," he explains. "Hetty asked if I would be interested in doing that, and I said yes. According to Hetty, it's a step toward becoming an agent-"

"You want to become an NCIS agent?" Kensi asks, rather excitedly, and she immediately blushes, and he grins.

"Hold on there, Fern," he drawls. "Don't get too excited. It's just training..."

She nods. "But you're starting to think about it seriously?"

He shrugs. "I don't know...maybe. Anyway, um, yeah, so there's the training..."

"And?" She presses.

"It's two and a half months."

Those words pierce her heart and make her stomach twist with nausea and anxiety. She doesn't know why, because she knows that he'll return, but her medical leave will be for as long, and even when she returns to work, she will be on desk duty until she passes a physical and her efficiency upon completion of her rehab. So, even though Deeks will be back, she won't be able to work with him like normal. Under any other circumstance, this situation wouldn't be so frightening to her, and to him, but, they both know the implications of all this.

Kensi swallows the painful knot in her throat, and tears prick at her eyes, and she blinks them away.

"Oh," she replies. "When do you leave?"

"I fly out at ten o'clock this morning," he says. "I'm going to take this weekend to get settled, and then the training begins on Monday."

She again nods.

"I thought that maybe if we put some miles between us that..." He trails off, gaging her reaction, then he continues. "We could-"

"You don't have to explain," she says with a slight sniffle. "I get it. If that's what you really want to do, then that's fine."

He shakes his head. "No, Kens...this is not what I want to do, but I have to. I'm...I'm doing this for _us_."

She crosses her arms over her chest. "Oh, well how convenient for you."

"Kensi, please don't do this," he begs. "Please. I need you to understand-"

"Just go, Deeks," she insists.

"Dammit Kensi, don't do this to me," he pleads angrily. "To us."

"No, this isn't about us," she argues. "This is about _you_. You're the one that screwed everything up! God..."

She shivers and a tear falls.

"I feel like my whole world is falling apart around me all over again," she says. "Just like when I was fifteen. Everything was good, and safe, and sure, and now..." She pauses and swipes away her tears. "At least I'm older and know better. Do what you have to do. We'll adjust, we'll work it out-"

"Kensi, don't you get it?" He asks. "The reason why I'm going is because I don't know if we'll be able to figure it out if I stay. Not like this. I'm losing hope that we'll even have a partnership."

"And who's fault is that?" She accuses. "You're-"

"Goddammit Kensi!" He yells, and she starts.

"What do you want?" Deeks asks, getting up. "Y-you say I should leave, but you want me to stay...you can't have both, Kens. You can't push me away, and then want me to be here. I'm not a frickin' yo-yo. You can't just play with my heart and my emotions and then cast them aside when you're done. What do you want? What the _hell_ do you want from me, Kensi?!"

Deeks has _never_ directed his anger at her. Not once. He's never yelled at her, he's never looked at her with contempt. She's scared, honestly frightened, and she can't even find a defense.

"Make a decision, Kensi," he says, some of his anger dissipating. "Tell me what you want me to do. Make a decision..." He pauses and sits on the coffee table so that he can be in front of her. "Kens...if you tell me not to get on that plane and to stay here and try and work this out, then I will. I _will_. You know what you want, Kens. Just tell me. Make a decision right here, right now."

Kensi is openly crying now, shaking, confused...

_Speak up, dammit_, she tells herself.

She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out, and she just looks at him, into his pained eyes.

Deeks shakes his head and gets up.

"Too late," he says as he heads to the door.

Kensi snaps out of it, and she pushes herself off of the couch. "Deeks, wait!"

He ignores her, and walks out the door.

She sits back down on the couch, and she breathes deeply, feeling sharp pain in her heart. She wills herself not to cry, but she is quickly losing the battle. She feels the first sob bubbling up from within her, and it escapes her mouth. It soon turns into a maelstrom of gasping breaths, anguished tears, and rough sobs that make her throat and chest hurt.

She covers her face with her hands, hyperventilating as tears fall, and fall, and fall.

Julia heard the whole conversation; Kensi had asked her to put on some coffee because Deeks would be coming over, and she did, and she hoped that perhaps whatever transpired between them would get resolved, but from what she heard, the civility quickly deteriorated. Hearing her daughter sobbing breaks her heart.

She steps out into the living room, and she sits on the couch and wraps her arms around Kensi.

"I'm sorry, darling," she whispers.

Kensi sniffles, then she tries to get up.

"Honey-"

"I-I just want to be alone right now," Kensi cries as she makes her way to her bedroom.

Julia sighs and leans back into the cushions.

* * *

The flight had been long, but smooth.

Deeks had the good fortune of being in the window seat, so he simply watched the changing landscape of America go by.

When he sees the cityscape of Jacksonville, North Carolina, and the plane lands, the fact that this will his new home for the next two and half months becomes real, and a sharp pain seizes his heart.

_This is happening_, he thinks. _This is going to be a long two and a half months_.

Seeing the confusion and fear in Kensi's eyes hurt him more than anything, but he needed to say the things he said to her. It was the most difficult moment of his life, ignoring her when she called after him because usually, as is the story of his partnership with Kensi, he stops. He comes back to her, he never turns his back on her. Earlier, he hadn't slept at all, anxiety and the worst pain he'd ever felt stealing rest from him. He laid in bed, exhausted, angry at himself and her, eyes irritated, red, and itchy from rubbing at them because he was crying.

He knows he needs this.

They both need this to happen.

Deeks needs to walk away.

Once most of the passengers have left the plane, he gets up and grabs his bag, then heads down the terminal.

The baggage claim is packed, and it takes him forty minutes to get his luggage.

He pulls up the address for the apartment he will be staying in on his phone, and he makes sure he has all the necessary IDs and information to be able to get on to the base.

The next couple of hours are a blur as he obtains a rental car, makes the drive over to Plantation Oaks Luxury Apartments, and obtains the details of his stay from the management. The manager, Froya De La Cruz, gives him a tour of the apartments, showing him all of the facilities and talking up the amenities, and then she ends at his apartment.

She is a smily, flirty girl of perhaps twenty eight, and she lets him know that if he needs anything, _anything_, to let her know.

Deeks grins, feeling awkward.

"Uh, sure," he says. "Thank you."

He opens up the apartment, and steps in. It is nicely furnished, modern, clean, and comfortable.

The decor is casual, bright, and in a plantation style (which, Deeks finds, is no coincidence), and it's just big enough, but not too small that it'd be miserable. There is a rather sizable kitchen, fully stocked, of course, and the bedroom is just down a short vestibule.

It is late in the afternoon, there's still daylight, but his body is exhausted, and he walks to the bedroom.

The bed looks fluffy and comfortable, and he gives in, deciding to put off getting unpacked and settled until morning.

He strips off his clothes, puts them in a pile on the floor, and he heads to the bathroom.

He takes a long, hot shower, just letting the water run over his body and relax his muscles.

After he is finished, he dries off, pulls on some sleep pants, then gets into bed.

He picks up his phone, and he opens up the pictures.

Deeks scrolls through them; he has pictures of his last vacation, of the team...of Kensi.

He likes any picture with her in it, but he finds the one that always makes him catch his breath.

It's the one where she is sitting on the beach, after their little surfing lesson. She had just peeled off her wetsuit, and she was clad in that colorful, patterned bikini, and she'd been wringing out her hair, and he'd said something that made her smile, and he caught the image of her smiling in the sun. It was perfect; she had that genuine smile, the one that cut through the professional, forced one, there was water dripping from her eyelashes and adorable nose, and her hair was draped to one side as she wrung it of water.

His heart races every time he looks at this picture.

In that moment she was beyond gorgeous, free, and unguarded.

_I love her_, he thinks desperately. _God, I love her, and want her so much. I really hope that we can fix this. I can't lose everything I have with Kensi. I just can't_.

Deeks rests back into the pillows, and just as sleep is about to overcome him, his phone rings.

He jerks awake, and he reaches over and grabs his phone and checks it.

**KENSI CALLING...**

His first impulse is to answer, but he shakes his head slightly, and he replaces it onto the bedside table.


	9. Nine

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: Here's the next chapter! It's a bit more Kensi-centric. Thank you all so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are truly a gift, and it is much appreciated!

* * *

~nine~

Julia looks at her watch as she gathers up her purse and keys, then she walks down the hallway to Kensi's bedroom.

"Kensi, darling, we're-"

She stops when she hears Kensi's muffled voice from within, and she opens the door slightly.

"...please...I-I know that you're angry with me, and I can't say that I blame you," she pauses to sigh. "You have every right to feel that way. I...it's been a couple days..."

She sniffles and pushes a lock of hair behind her ear.

"We don't even have to talk about-dammit," she curses when she runs out of time to leave her voicemail. She dials his number again, and he doesn't pick up. "Deeks...I just need to know if you're okay. Okay there, I mean. Anyway, I hope that you're...okay. Have a good time, alright? Bye."

She hangs up, and she wipes a tear from her cheek.

Her stomach is in knots, and she's tired. Sleep has eluded her for the last few nights; she tries to close her eyes and let her exhaustion overcome her, like a drug, but it doesn't happen. Instead, she constantly replays the arguments she and Deeks have had, she faces the reality that their friendship is nearly gone over this, and she aches at the thought that their partnership is now in jeopardy and that there is a significant possibility that they could lose that too.

That possibility utterly devastates her, crushes her, and Kensi can't stop the storm of her tears in its wake.

She hates herself for crying, for giving in to these crippling emotions. She hates that she is away from the one place that makes her truly feel safe and valuable. She hates that her leg still hurts like hell, she hates that there's a possibility that she may never regain full flexibility and rotation of her wrist, even with physical therapy.

Kensi releases a shuddering breath as she wipes at her tears.

_Pull yourself together_, she commands herself.

Julia comes into the room, and Kensi straightens and tries to shake off her distraught demeanor.

"Ready to go?" Julia asks. "We don't want to be late to your appointment."

"Yeah," Kensi nods, pocketing her phone, and grabbing her crutches.

Julia helps Kensi to the car, and they head over to the hospital. The women sit in comfortable silence on the way, until Julia speaks.

"You know that you don't have to face what's happening between you and Marty alone," she begins.

"Mom, there's nothing you can do," Kensi says. "I don't think there's anything any of us can do."

Julia has never seen her daughter so defeated, and it hurts her heart.

"I just...it hurts me seeing you this way," Julia confesses. "To hear you crying at night."

Kensi looks away, embarrassed.

"Kensi, it's okay," she says. "It's okay to cry...you just don't have to do it alone. I-I feel...useless, and sometimes I think that it's my fault because I wasn't there for you when you were younger. I know that your strong, and I know that you can take care of yourself, but seeing you like this...I don't know how to comfort you, and I give you space when you need it, but...sometimes I don't feel like I deserve to be there for you."

Kensi looks at her mother incredulously.

"Mom...no," she assures. "No...don't think that. God...have I made you feel that way?"

"No, it's just...you're so hurt right now, physically and emotionally...and you won't talk to me about any of it...but you're used to taking care of everything by yourself."

Kensi gently touches her mother's shoulder. "Oh gosh, Momma...I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry...I did't realize that I was hurting you. I'm sorry."

Julia nods. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for not telling you about Owen and I."

"I understand," Kensi says.

"You should talk to Owen, Kensi," Julia advises. "Look, I was the one that insisted he not tell you, not the other way around. Like I said before, there are things that you don't know. Things that Owen wants to tell you."

"Okay, I'll talk to him," Kensi agrees. "But mom, I want you to know that I...I'm happy as long as you're happy."

Julia grins slightly, then she sobers. "I want you to be happy, Kensi. You don't realize it, but...your face lights up when you talk about Marty."

"Mom..."

"Kensi, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she says. "I don't know what kind of partnership you and Marty have, but...I can tell that he makes you happy, and that you make him happy. You're both so hurt right now, and I'm just afraid that you're going to lose everything. What happened between you and Marty?"

Kensi feels anger bubbling up and spilling over.

"You want to know what happened?" She hisses. "Deeks told me that he's in love with me, and threw the friendship and partnership we've built into chaos without a single thought as to how I might feel. But he'll have you thinking that I'm just this horrible, selfish bitch that broke his heart if you let him tell it. That's what happened."

Julia looks at her. "Marty is in love with you?"

Kensi nods.

"He is...he _thinks_ that he is..."

"You didn't see him, Kensi," Julia says. "You didn't see him when you weren't breathing. You didn't see him. He was so miserable that he was sick. He really thought that he was going to lose you. We all did. But even before all this...I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but...I don't think his being in love with you is as sudden as you might want to believe. I mean, he seems so sure, and I've never seen him stand up to you about, well, anything, really. You can't deny that it's important to him. Maybe it's time to reevaluate how you feel. You should be running toward each other, not running away from one another."

"Deeks is the one doing the running, not me," Kensi frowns bitterly. "I'm still right here. _He's_ the one that left. I feel like he's been judging me. He's been treating me like I have no right to be angry and confused..."

She sniffles and wipes a tear.

"Like I have no right to _my_ feelings at all. He calls me selfish...he can stay in goddamn North Carolina if he wants to. I don't care anymore."

Julia sighs. "You don't mean that, Kensi. Like I said before, all of this...all of these feelings you both have didn't just appear. There are things that both of you need to face individually, and together. The time apart will be good, but when he comes back, you've got to talk to each other. You've got to talk and listen to each other."

"I don't really want to think about it or talk about it anymore."

"It's going to take time," Julia reminds Kensi as she pulls into the hospital. "Focus on getting better, for now."

Kensi nods.

The appointment goes well, and the doctor decides that Kensi is ready for the bandages to come off from the surgery, and for a cast to be molded.

It takes almost too long, and Kensi becomes irritated.

Finally, the cast is on, and she is making her way to the waiting area. She takes care of all of her information and scheduling future appointments, and tells the nurse to not fill the prescription for the pain medication. She signs all the paperwork, then she heads out with her mother.

Kensi falls asleep on the way home, and Julia rouses her.

"C'mon, let's get you inside so that you can rest."

Kensi doesn't want to move, but she knows that she will be more comfortable in bed, so she makes the seemingly long journey up to the house.

Once she is inside, she heads to her bedroom and she lays down.

Julia helps her get settled in.

"Are you hungry?"

Kensi shakes her head. "No...I just want to sleep right now."

"Okay, well, I'll make some lunch," Julia says. "You'll be hungry by the time you wake up again."

Kensi nods, then she closes her eyes and lets sleep take over.

* * *

Deeks walks into the clunky, metallic classroom where his training is taking place.

The first couple of weeks are going to be strictly classes and seminars: introducing the history of the agency, going over the handbook, and other generalized information. After that, he'll be separated from the other new hires and into a group that is selected for the specialized training. He has been told that he will need a higher security clearance, and that the last class, the technology training, will get him what he needs.

He gently tosses his notepad onto the hard table, and takes his seat as other trainees begin to file in.

He takes out his phone, intent on turning it off, and before he does, he looks at the screen. He sees a number of texts, and four missed calls. He knows that they are from Kensi.

Deliberately ignoring her calls is not something he normally does, even when he is exhausted. But this isn't a situation that falls under the category of 'normally.' He won't be able to shift his focus, which is the whole point of being in Lejuene, if he doesn't lay his issues with Kensi aside for a bit. He misses her like hell, but he knows that he's got to take this opportunity to take his mind off of things, and take advantage of the distance being offered physically, and mentally.

Before he does that, he figures he should allow himself to hear Kensi's voice.

Deeks opens up the voicemail, and he listens to it.

_"Deeks...I um..."_

She paused for a long moment, then she hung up.

It moves on to the second message.

_"Hey...I hope your flight was alright...I figured that you've probably gotten settled in by now. Anyway, um...I know this might be asking too much, especially after all that's been said, but, can you please call me back? I-I don't...I feel...never mind. Hope you made it safe. Bye."_

He feels the prick and sting of tears in his eyes at how distraught she sounds, and he takes a breath as he listens to another message.

_"God Deeks..."_ She paused, and he heard her sniffle. _"Please pick up the phone...please...I-I know that you're angry with me, and I can't say that I blame you..."_ She paused to sigh. _"You have every right to feel that way. I...it's been a couple days...We don't even have to talk about-"_

The voicemail cut her off.

He swallows the painful lump in his throat as he listens to the last message.

_"Deeks...I just need to know if you're okay. Okay _there_, I mean. Anyway, I hope that you're...okay. Have a good time, alright? Bye."_

Deeks ends the voicemail, and then he looks at her texts.

They have a similar tone and theme as he reads them.

**Text me when you land.**

**I called you...but you may have still been in the air or just landing...**

One text in particular surprises him.

**Deeks, I'm sorry. Everything I say just keeps coming out wrong, and the things that I want to say...I just can't say right now. Please try to understand...I'm sorry.**

He stares at it for a long moment, and for the first time since the moment their world fell apart following his confession of love to her, he's beginning to get some sense of what's going on in her head.

Before he can think on it further, the seminar begins, and he turns his phone off.

* * *

Kensi feels like she is going _completely_ mad.

How does one lose keys when they haven't driven in almost three weeks?

She lets out a growl of frustration as she hobbles around with her crutches, tossing articles of clothing and other items around in search of her keys.

Julia emerges from the kitchen.

"Kensi, what on earth are you looking for?"

"My car keys," Kensi sighs. "I have no clue what I did with them, which doesn't make any kind of sense because I haven't gone anywhere since the crash."

"You shouldn't be driving anyway," Julia advises.

Kensi groans. "I want to...the insurance company just dropped off my car. I want to drive it again. I want to do _something_. I'm tired of sitting around, mom. I want to be outside..._somewhere_. I can't take being cooped up anymore."

Julia sees how desperate and caged Kensi feels, and she gives in.

"Alright, alright...but I'll drive," Julia says, leaving no room for Kensi to say otherwise.

"Thanks," Kensi says gratefully.

When they are ready, mother and daughter head out.

They spend about an hour just driving around, Kensi settling in to the new version of her SRX.

It won't really feel like _her_ car until she drives it, but this will have to do.

She has the window down, and she enjoys the warm sunlight on her face, and the cool breeze.

Julia pulls up to the pier, and they get out and sit on one of the benches.

Kensi basks in the sunlight, letting the warmth soak into her skin and into her veins. The sounds of the ocean and the gulls and the children laughing ring in her ears, and she feels at peace. She doesn't know why, but she thinks of her father in this moment, and the memories cradle her. She thinks about the times he would hold her, she tries to capture his face again.

Julia sees the contentment ease across Kensi's face, and she grins.

"What are you thinking about?"

Kensi opens her eyes. "Dad..."

"What about your dad?"

Kensi sighs and looks down at her hands. "I miss him. I guess I'm still getting some closure. I spent so long just not knowing...that part of my life was so incomplete, and now that I know for sure about everything that's happened...sometimes I don't know what to do with it all."

Julia nods. "I understand. After your father died, I wanted answers too. Of course, I didn't have the resources you had, but...I tried to find out something. No one would tell me the truth. I felt so helpless afterward because...I couldn't reach you. You were your father's world, and he was yours. Without him, I didn't know you, and I felt so guilty."

"Why?" Kensi asks.

"Because...I was jealous," Julia admits, and she feels an ache course through her. "I was jealous of the relationship you had with your daddy. We were never on the same page when it came to you. I wanted things for you too, you know. I had a totally different idea of how you should have been raised, and Don had his own ideas. He just...understood you, and I never did..."

Kensi shakes her head. "Mom...it's not that. I...I was pretty rotten to you when I was little."

"Still, I...I felt jealous because I had you...I carried you in my belly, I gave birth to you," Julia says tearfully. "You were _mine_ too. You were _my_ daughter too, and Don...he didn't really understand. So, after he died...I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anything to offer you, to give you because everything you ever always needed was in your father."

Kensi shudders and she feels her eyes well with tears. "Mom..."

"I was afraid for you," Julia continues. "In the weeks after your father died, when you were living with me...you were so sad that you couldn't..._function_. You couldn't eat, or sleep, I could barely get you out of bed, or get you to go to school...I tried, darling, I really tried to help. Then one morning, you were just...gone. I just panicked. I was afraid that something happened to you too."

"I am so sorry..." Kensi apologizes. "God...I was so selfish-"

"No, honey, no," Julia assures. "I'm sure that wasn't it. I'd lied to you, and you had questions that I didn't have answers to. You were afraid."

"Still...I didn't give you a chance," Kensi says. "And I should have. You deserved that from me."

Julia sighs. "Well, here you are...all grown up, and successful, and great at what you do."

Kensi grins a bit, then she sighs.

"It feels good to get out of the house."

"Mmhm," Julia hums her agreement.

Kensi closes her eyes.

For a moment, she blanks out, but then her mind carries her to a spring day, much like this one, inside a little house, four years ago.

Her heart always flutters when she thinks about the moment she first met Deeks, who was then Jason Wyler. She remembers feeling frustrated and confused because he wasn't her normal type; she didn't particularly like the "styled-by-pillow," or the "professionally disheveled" look that'd been catching on lately, she wasn't too fond of scruffiness, and she preferred men a little bulkier and muscled.

But there was just something about Deeks that caught her off guard.

She was supposed to be undercover, but she was faltering. He questioned everything she said, called her bluff on being Zuna's girlfriend, and he was annoyingly cocky about it all. He made her, she was sure, and he made an impression on her, much as she hates to admit it now.

It was his eyes, she thinks, and she remembers walking away from that house feeling simultaneously annoyed by him, and attracted to him.

Then she received word that he'd be working with her on a more permanent basis.

She can't deny that working with Deeks has changed her life. He's that kind of guy; he's a good man, and he changes people, not because he intends to, but there's something about him, something in him that gives people _hope_...that gives _her_ hope. Hope that they actually are making the world safer, hope that she can see the good in the worst of people, hope that she can be okay with laughing more...hope that being alone isn't something she has to accept.

He also scares her because he makes her feel things that she shouldn't be feeling concerning him. She feels jealous when he flirts ("connects" is what he prefers to call it) with other women on the job and off, she feels angry when someone hurts him, she feels warm inside when he touches her, she feels safe when he just listens and keeps her secrets, she feels relieved when he finds out her deepest secrets and fears because she somehow thinks that it might be for a reason.

He means _so much_ to her, and it would figure that the moment she realizes that, he has to be on the other end of the country.

Kensi opens her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" Julia asks.

Kensi looks at her mother.

"I don't know how to make things right with Deeks," she admits quietly. "He won't even answer my calls, or my texts...but I deserve that..."

"No, you don't," Julia assures firmly. "Neither of you deserve any of what's happening right now."

"Either way," Kensi says. "Even if I wasn't ready for what he said to me, I shouldn't have hurt him. At the end of the day, Deeks is my friend and my partner..."

She pauses and shudders, and a tear falls.

"I hurt him," she continues. "I _hurt my friend_, and...I never thought I was capable of that. I never meant to...I just...I'm so scared, mom."

"Honey..."

"He asked me what I wanted from him," Kensi cries, and she wipes at her tears.

"What _do_ you want, Kensi?" Julia asks. "What do you think he wants from you?"

"I-I don't know," Kensi sniffles.

Julia gently wipes a tear from her daughter's cheek.

"What are you so afraid of?"

Kensi sighs. "Losing Deeks...to the job or otherwise. I feel like it's already happening. Even when he comes back, things won't be the same between us. He's never going to trust me again, and that kills me."

Julia smoothes over Kensi's hair.

"Don't give up, Kensi," Julia says.

Kensi rests her head onto her mother's shoulder.


	10. Ten

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: Glad to be posting this after so long. Been extremely busy. This chapter is longer than the others, but something tells me that those of you who've been waiting for so long won't mind! Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows. They are very much appreciated, and I cannot thank you all enough! On a more somber note: with all of the things happening in our country right now, I'm sure that like me, most of you view writing for this site or any other as an escape, a much appreciated art, and still a very valid form of communicating different, and sometimes difficult ideas, through characters we've come to love and watch every week. This should not be a place to cut each other down, we get enough of that away from this place. Be fair, be just, be at peace, and write on. Thank you, bless you, and enjoy.

* * *

~ten~

"I'm sorry Agent Blye. Your access has been denied."

The frown on Kensi's face grows deeper. She keys in her code again, then she allows the machine to do the retinal scan. It ran her information, then it flashed red.

"I'm sorry Agent Blye. Your access has been denied."

Just before Kensi moves to punch the machine, Eric's face appears in the screen.

"Oh thank God," Kensi sighs. "Hey Eric."

"Hey Kens," Eric says warily. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, I think there's a glitch," Kensi frowns. "It's not clearing me."

"Oh, about that," Eric begins, looking guilty and a little terrified.

Nell appears on the screen next. "Yeah, sorry Kensi. Hetty knew that you'd show up at some point because you're famously stubborn..."

Kensi cuts her eyes at Nell, who then raises her hands up.

"Her words, not mine. She made me restrict your access."

"What?" Kensi asks angrily.

"Hetty doesn't want you back until you're cleared," Nell explains.

"You listen to me Nell," Kensi growls, pointing at the screen. "I-"

The screen switches to Hetty's face, and Kensi steps back, finding some semblance of calm.

"Hello Hetty," Kensi says with a tight smile.

"Ms. Blye," Hetty grins amiably. "You look well."

"I feel great," Kensi grins. "I'll be off the crutches soon."

"That's wonderful," Hetty smiles. "What brings you out today, dear?"

"I-I just wanted to come in and talk to you," Kensi explains. "I'll be off the crutches soon, a-and I'm starting physical therapy. I really want to come back to work. I'm fine, Hetty. I'm okay with riding a desk."

"Ms. Blye, you have plenty of unused leave time," Hetty says. "You need to _relax_."

"Hetty I don't want to relax," Kensi groans petulantly. "I don't need to relax. I need to be here...please? I'm going crazy at home."

"Ms. Blye, you are an extremely bright young woman," Hetty affirms. "I am confident that you are able to find some useful, and enjoyable employment while you are on leave. You are far too young to be this tightly wound, my dear. Take this time and rest. Why don't you call your partner?"

Kensi frowns. "I would, but he's not answering his phone right now. But that's okay because we're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment anyway."

"Hmm, I see," Hetty sighs. "Well, you and Mr. Deeks share a strong bond, one that is not as easily broken as you both have decided it is. You and Mr. Deeks have forged a partnership that is too precious to be so easily surrendered to this...rut, so to speak, that you two are in."

Kensi mulls over Hetty's use of the word "precious" to describe the partnership she has with Deeks. Is that what it is? Is that the impression that people get when they see her and Deeks together? Is that how Deeks would describe their partnership? Would _she_ if asked?

"Ms. Blye, please, do yourself a favor," Hetty says. "Take this time and relax, reevaluate...even try to get out of town, get a change of scenery in."

"Hetty, I just feel so useless," Kensi sighs. "And crazy for talking to you through the scanner."

"Then, for the sake of your sanity," Hetty begins with a hearty chuckle. "I suggest that you head home, dear. Have a nice day."

With that, the screen goes back to the key pad, and Kensi sighs, then she goes over and sits down on the bench near the fountain, sullen and depressed. She has never faced so much rejection in her life, and it makes her feel incredibly lonely and sad, and she finds that she could really use a giant chocolate muffin and an frappuccino with a gob of whipped cream smothered in caramel right about now.

Just as she is about to get up, Callen comes out with a smirk.

"Hey Callen," Kensi greets him.

"Hey," he grins. "Hetty was right."

"About what?"

"About you still sitting out here," he chuckles. "She thought you might need some company."

"It's okay," she waves off. "I-I was getting ready to go home."

Callen looks around. "How the hell did you even get here? Your mom drive you?"

She shakes her head. "No...my mom went out for errands. I called a cab, had it stop about a block over from here."

"You crutched a block to get here?" He laughs. "You really can't sit on your ass for too long, can you?"

Kensi rolls her eyes and begins to get up. "I don't need you teasing me..."

"Hold on, Kens," he says. "C'mon...sit down."

Kensi sits back down, then she crosses her arms over her chest.

"I can't stand this," she huffs. "I need to be here."

"Kensi, the place is running just fine without you," he assures, and she frowns at him. He holds his hands up. "What do you want me to say? Yeah, Sam, Nell, Eric, and I miss you, but...things are fine. We functioned just fine before you were even hired, so..."

She looks at him. "Nice..."

"Kensi...you know that I love you like a sister, and that I'd do just about anything for you. I really do miss you, and, much as I hate to admit it, I kinda miss Deeks, too. Honestly, I really hope that the two of you get your shit together because even though things were good before you, and then him...it's better with you two now. I don't think things will be the same if you two can't figure out what the hell it is you want. The team won't be the same if you two can't get it together."

Kensi shakes her head. "It's not that simple, Callen."

"Just because the problem is complicated doesn't mean that the solution can't be simple," he counsels. "Listen, Kens: you don't have to do this alone."

She rolls her eyes.

"Says the man who would prefer to be a team of one," she spits.

Her comment doesn't faze him, and he sighs.

"I would prefer it," he admits. "But it's not what I need. We all need someone, Kensi."

"I-I just...I hate being so..._dependent_," she frowns. "And...I hate feeling like I've lost a part of myself."

"You're not invincible, Kensi," Callen smirks. "Besides, I was shot six times. I _wish_ that all I'd had at the time was a broken leg and wrist."

Kensi can't help but chuckle.

"True," she laughs, then she sobers. "Gosh, I'm sorry, Callen. You're right...I feel like such an idiot for feeling sorry for myself."

"Look, I understand that it's tough being on leave," he sympathizes. "But...you don't ever want to come back sooner than you're ready. You can't protect yourself, let alone anyone else when you're down. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to your partner."

Kensi nods.

She knows that Callen is right.

"C'mon," he says, getting up. "You hungry?"

"I'm starving," she admits.

"I'll get you some lunch, then I'm going to drive you home," he says, helping her up.

* * *

Deeks finds it more than a little ironic that he came to Camp Lejeune for training to remove himself from his fallout with Kensi, and to take his mind off of her, only to find himself thinking (worrying) about her more times than he cares to count. He thought that keeping himself busy all day would at least help curb his mind from thoughts of her, but he finds that since he's been away, he's been devoting a disproportionate amount of time to thoughts about his partner, the woman he loves so desperately.

The worst part of it all is knowing how much he loves her and realizing how pathetic that must make him. Pining after Kensi day and night makes him feel pathetic and undignified, and in addition to thinking about her, he spends a good portion of time telling himself not to think about her, and it's damn hard. Either way, he thinks about her and dreams about her, and it makes him less irritated to think about her than to try not to.

It's fortunate that he is able to multitask pretty well, and he gets through the seminars with a clear recollection of the presentation, even with his frequent distraction of thoughts of Kensi.

In the evenings, he goes to the beach, does some surfing, but he misses the LA waves. To him, the Atlantic waves aren't as clean, crisp, and cool as the Pacific, but at least he is able to surf. When he surfs, he feels free, he feels at peace and one with himself, and with nature. He has respect for nature, especially the ocean. Being in the water puts things into perspective for him. He feels so small compared to the ocean, and knowing that gives him comfort. There is something bigger than himself.

Deeks admits that he is slowly getting over the hurt of all that transpired between himself and Kensi. The distance has been a soothing balm for his raw emotions, and he has been able to think things through a little more clearly.

He thinks about the text message that Kensi left, and he realizes that both of them have hurts from the past that have directly influenced their actions, thoughts, and words to each other. He cringes at how things so quickly escalated between them, and he hates that he left on the terms that he did, he can admit that now.

When he thinks about her, he always thinks about how vulnerable she looked, thinks about how she must be crawling the walls because she hates being sidelined, and he thinks about how he can repair the hurt that he's caused her. He thinks about how beautiful she is, how sweet her genuine smile is, how resilient she is. He thinks about the way he wants to apologize to her.

At night, he dreams about what can be with her, if she decides that she does want to be with him once he returns and has a real conversation with her. He dreams about holding her close, smelling her hair, he dreams about falling deeper in love with her, putting a ring on her finger...he dreams about how incredible making love with her would be, and how that love would bring their babies to life, and he tries damn hard to derail those thoughts because it's _way_ too soon...and way too _painful_ because if things don't turn out the way he is desperately hoping they will once he returns, he simply cannot bring himself to want all of that with any other woman. Any other woman would be living in a lie, and he determined a long time ago that the lies he told would be for professional purposes only. The people he really loves and cares for deserve his integrity and honesty, and he'd be lying to any other woman if he told her that he loved her wholly, with every fiber, muscle, capillary, vein, and artery in his heart, and that he would want what he wants with Kensi with her.

Deeks shakes his head of those thoughts, and gathers up his things as the class ends.

"Ugh, thank. _God_ this round's over," the woman next to him drawls.

"Tell me about it," he sighs as he slings his bag across his chest.

The petite, Southern-Belle blonde woman holds out her hand to him.

"I'm Kelly Carson."

He shakes her hand. "Marty Deeks."

"Good to meet you," she smiles. "I'm a liaison for Europe."

"Nice to meet you."

She's got sweet green eyes, and she is dressed in a crisp pant suit. Her hair is draped over her shoulders, and she is smily. She is beautiful, but a little off-putting to him for some reason. It's not because of how he feels about Kensi, it's something else, but he can't quite pinpoint exactly what it is.

"I could use a drink," Kelly says. "You're invited, if you want to come with."

"Is there anyone else joining us?" He asks.

"A few people are going to the same place," she explains. "It's on the beach, so...it's turned into a little unwind before the real fun starts."

Deeks does need to get out, so he agrees.

"I'm in."

He makes a quick stop at the apartment to freshen up and change, then he heads to High Tide Lounge.

Deeks ends up meeting and chatting with a few guys from D.C. over beers and a game of pool, which he subsequently loses, badly, but it is taken in good nature. He then goes over and takes a seat at the bar and he orders a soda, thinking that he doesn't want to drink too much.

Kelly sidles up next to him, orders a beer, and she takes a seat next to him. She is now clad in a pink halter sundress, and white sandals.

"No one should drink alone," she drawls. "Even if its...Dr. Pepper?"

"Gross, no," he smirks. "Pepsi all the way, baby. Much like you my partner is, sadly, misguided in declaring her choice in dark, carbonated beverages."

Kelly laughs. "Well, I'll be sure to think twice next time."

Kelly can't help but give him a once over, thinking that the man looks damn good in black. He looks good in anything, really, because Marty is handsome, she'll even go so far as to say sexy because there's something about his scruff, his messy, golden blond hair, and his seemingly laid-back personality that sets him apart from the other, more straight-laced, men that she tends to encounter, especially working in New York.

He's the typical LA surfer guy who happens to carry a badge. He's different, and she likes that about him, but she can tell in his blue eyes that something deeply personal followed him here from LA. She saw the slight change in his demeanor at the mention of his partner.

"You look utterly miserable," Kelly observes.

"That's perfect because that's exactly how I feel," he half-jokes.

"Well," she sighs, looking around, then back at him. "We're in a bar, we've got alcohol in us, and we both work in law enforcement. Perfect conditions for talking about our personal problems."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I guess so."

She rests her head on her fist. "I'm a good listener."

Deeks looks at her, then at his glass.

"My partner, Kensi, and I we...we had a falling out before I came out here," he begins. "I thought that it would make things a little easier, but it just makes the hurt worse."

"Was the falling out over something professional, or personal?"

"Both," he explains. "We kind of opened a Pandora's box, if you will, between us, and things have been shitty ever since."

"How long have you two been partners?"

"Four years," he chuckles. "Four long, but good years. Well, until now."

"Mind if I asked what happened?"

Deeks shrugs. "Same old cliched thing that happens in a male/female partnership with too much chemistry and no idea how to define whatever it is between them."

Kelly nods. "Ah..."

"Yeah," he sighs. "I'm in love with her. I told Kensi that I'm in love with her."

"I take it that she didn't reciprocate?"

"No," he grins, then he sobers. "S-she thinks that me being in love with her is a sudden thing. You see, this all started on my birthday. She forgot my birthday, and it just brought up things between us that we've been trying to ignore. She brought me a cake that her mother baked, and I got angry at her, and we argued. Afterward, she left my place, and on the way home, she got in a car wreck."

"Oh my Gosh," Kelly marvels. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah," he says. "Now she is. When I got to the scene, Kensi was unconscious, and on the way to the hospital, she stopped breathing. I thought that I was going to lose her. I was sick over the possibility, literally sick. When she woke up, I was so relieved, but something inside me just broke, and I told her that I'm in love with her."

"That didn't go over well," Deeks continues. "We argued back and forth, we said things that we shouldn't have said...it all spiraled, and now I'm here."

Kelly nods. "Do you think that she might be in love with you too?"

His heart tells him yes, Kensi is in love with him, and that she's terrified of that, but his mind is telling him to consider that perhaps she isn't, and that she perceives their deepening partnership differently.

Deeks shakes his head. "I-I don't know...I mean, I want to believe that Kensi feels the same way because if I felt that she didn't, we wouldn't be going through this. What happened before all this wouldn't have been a big deal because I would have sensed that."

"Mm," Kelly hums, absorbing the information. "But you're not so sure now?"

"No," he says. "Maybe I've been looking at things the wrong way...but that's not going to change the fact that I love her..."

Deeks pauses to chuckle. "God...that woman...when I first met her, I was just...floored. I was working a case, and I blew her cover, and she was all flustered and tripping up. She was all sultry eyed, sexy, and charming, and...I couldn't get her out of my head. When I started working with her, I found out so many things about her that would irritate and put off anyone else, but...I'm not bothered in the slightest."

"Kensi's got this thing about her car. She's a slob with everything else, but her car is spotless, except for the candy and pastry wrappers, and she's anal about who she lets drive her car. This is our fourth year of partnership, and she has just become more comfortable with me driving. She doesn't understand the whole concept behind saying touche, her favorite movie is Titanic, and she cries like a baby every time, she bruises me physically and emotionally on an almost daily basis, she's famously stubborn, hardheaded, slightly insane, a Daddy's girl, and she eats like a four year old."

"And dammit, if I don't love that woman," he chuckles. "I love everything about her. She's amazing, and...so damn irritating and adorable at the same time. I fell in love with her a long time ago, and it wasn't that hard to do because more than that, she's caring, compassionate, strong, loyal, and the best friend I've ever had. She'll come through for you, she'll walk through fire for her friends and family, she's trustworthy and faithful...she's got this amazing spirit in her, she's got a good heart. I love her."

"Do you think that you could be happy with her?" Kelly asks. "Do you see yourself being really, truly happy with her?"

His heart aches at the thought of happiness, at how with each day that passes without a phone call back from Kensi, that his hope for happiness with her is slipping away. He wants to talk to her, he wants to hear her voice, he wants to apologize, he wants to tell her that he wants her however she'll let him have her: partner, friend...whatever she decides. As long as she still wants him around, in any capacity, he will be satisfied because the days without her are getting longer and longer.

There's a part of him that's still so angry at her, and there's a part of him that still feels betrayed, but he's already forgiven her because his love for her is much more powerful than the hurt. Still, they both need healing from the anger, the pain, the heartache, and the past.

The past.

Shadowy memories, people lost, and unbearable agony from years gone have impacted both of them, and until now, it's served as a shield, as armor of some sort; the past has been a protection up to this point because like Kensi, he swore to never go back, to never make the same mistakes again, to never give so much of himself. But all that changed when he met one Kensi Blye.

"Yeah, I could be happy with her," he says. "But if all I can have is a partnership with her after all of this, then I'll take that too. I'm happy just to be able to work with her."

"So, for you, moving forward is a matter of knowing how she feels," Kelly surmises. "If you knew for sure, then you could start to think about your next move, right?"

Deeks looks at her. "I suppose so...I-I'm sorry to just dump all that on you. I'm sure your life is going better than mine at the moment."

Kelly chuckles. "Well...you're right. My son just started kindergarten, and my daughter's busy being a typical two year old, so...my husband's kind of pullin' his hair out right about now. Bedtime is major drama. They're great, though."

"Sounds like you've got a nice family," he says.

"Yeah," Kelly sighs. "I love this job, but when I was younger, there was a point where I had to stop and think about where I'm going in this agency. There's a certain point where you have to think about your personal and professional future. I think you're at that point, Detective."

Deeks furrows his eyebrows. "Okay, this conversation just turned creepy."

"Hetty referred your file to me," Kelly explains. "Apparently, she thinks you're at that point too."

"I don't know what gave that little samurai the impression that I want her deciding my fate," he grouses. "So, did you two have some sort of secret spot that you meet and read tealeaves and...entrails to determine your employees' ultimate destiny?"

"She mentioned that you're a wiseass," Kelly drawls.

"Just give it to me straight, Kelly," Deeks says.

"Hetty thinks that you're ready to prepare for expanding your duties in this agency," Kelly explains. "With your new security clearance, I'm prepared to offer you an opportunity."

"What kind of opportunity?" Deeks asks.

"That's classified until you take it," she says.

He shakes his head. "No, I-I'm not just going to step out on faith with this one. I need to know what the hell I'm getting into."

She sighs. "Let's just say that if you're as good at what you do as you and Hetty say you are, and you perform well and accomplish the task that's set forth before you, the scope of your duties will expand. You see, Detective Deeks, Hetty is prepared to groom you for being more than just an NCIS agent. She sees a very bright future for you in this agency, and she thinks that now's the right time to start preparing you."

"Does what I think factor into this?"

"Of course," Kelly grins, then she looks at him. "But let me be clear: if you do take this opportunity, I need your head in the game. No distractions."

"You mean Kensi?"

"Yes," Kelly confirms. "You need to find some way to lay aside the issues you've got with her so that you're in a good head space going into this, if you decide to do it. You've got to find some closure for now; whatever she says to you, you've got to find it in yourself to be okay with it, that way you can get the job done. Face her, and what you want with her when you get back. That is, if you want this."

Kelly gets up and grabs her purse, then she slides a card next to him.

"Take the weekend to think over it," Kelly instructs. "Give me a call by twelve o'clock PM Monday with your decision."

With that, she heads out.

Deeks looks at her card.

It reads:

KELLY CARSON

Director, Department of Interagency Operations.

He sighs and he pockets the card.


	11. Eleven

Come True

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A perfect apology B-Day cake sets off an argument, and as a result, wishes are made.

Pairing: Deeks/Kensi

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS.

A/N: I made some changes to this chapter. I didn't like the direction that I was taking Kensi or Deeks, especially when I take into account what I want to happen later in the story. As an aside: why the H did TPTB decide that the world needed _The Smurfs 2_? _What_. _The_. _Snickerdoodle_. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated! Enjoy.

* * *

~eleven~

Kensi polishes off the family size bag of Lay's ruffled potato chips, scraping the last remnants of the ranch and bacon flavored dip with it and then stuffing it into her mouth. She licks her fingers then she picks up the remote and surfs through the channels, mostly without interest. She's watched all the movies she wanted to watch, she went through all of her DVR shows...so _depressing_.

She eventually settles on _Beverly Hills 90210_, wondering how she ever thought Jason Priestly was _utterly gorgeous_ when she was at the height of her teen years. Granted, the 90s was an awesome decade, but...she shudders when she thinks about her viewing habits back then.

She knows the mind-numbing 90s melodrama is going to begin to irritate her by the start of the next episode in the marathon, and she turns off the television, thinking that a soak in the bath while listening to an audio book will be a more stimulating, productive, and relaxing activity. She pushes herself up off of the couch, and she attempts to walk without her crutches to the bathroom. She still feels a bit of pain, but it's steadily improving. She is more than ready to begin her physical therapy, and she hopes that if she gets the chance to show Hetty her progress, that perhaps she will be able to come back to work sooner rather than later.

Kensi is all for leave time, but not when she's handicapped.

No, her idea of leave time consists of any activity other than sitting on her ass in any other locale aside from her house.

Just before Kensi can gimp her way to the bathroom, her cell phone rings, and she groans, turns around and hobbles the few steps back. She picks up her phone and she sees that it is Deeks.

Her heart suddenly pounds, and every emotion that she's felt concerning him since everything they knew began to collapse around her. She immediately feels happiness, anxiety, anger, sadness, and uncertainty as her phone rings in her hand. She feels the words that she wants to say to him filling her mouth and making it unbearably dry suddenly. Her mind begins a war with her heart, and her stomach becomes the casualty as it sloshes and gurgles, making her regret that family size bag of potato chips and that dip.

Kensi doesn't know what to do at the moment, which is crazy because she knows how to answer a damn phone.

_Answer it, dammit, before it's too late_, she urges herself.

She presses the green ANSWER button, then brings it up to her ear with her shaky hand.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Hey Kensi," he sighs happily. "God, it's good to hear your voice...I-I miss hearing you, I-I miss...you," he chuckles softly.

Kensi finds that she can handle that.

"I miss you too," she admits.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"I'm pretty good," she says, sitting on the arm of her sofa. "My leg still aches, but, I'm getting around a little better. I start physical therapy soon, so..."

"Good," he says. "Just don't yell at your physical therapist. Be patient with them, okay? Remember they're there to help you."

"I know that," she huffs, wrinkling up her nose. "I don't really need it anyway, but I have to before I'm cleared to return to work."

He chuckles. "Just go with it, Kens. You gotta let go of the reigns."

"I guess..."

"Anyway, um...I wanted to talk to you," he says. "I think that we've both had time to calm down and think about things."

"Yeah, I've been thinking...a lot," she chuckles slightly.

"Me too," he confesses. "I just...I need to tell you some things that are very important and personal to me...things that you should know, things I hope will put things into perspective for both of us. Can I do that?"

She swallows thickly. "Yes."

He clears his throat.

"You asked me about swearing off female partners," he begins. "About if that was true. It's true. But, it's not in the way that you think. Ten years ago, I was a public defender, and I was assigned a partner. Her name was Rachel Hansen, she was a paralegal. We worked closely together on our cases, barely slept, we both lived off of fast food and coffee. She was brilliant, beautiful, funny, dedicated to her work. She was paying her own way through law school, and she had another job as a receptionist at another law firm. She was so passionate...when I think back on her now, she was a lot like you."

Kensi doesn't know how to feel about this so far, but she keeps listening.

"We got close," he continues. "And that's when I started noticing the bruises, the scrapes, and the bumps. I immediately knew what the cause was. The guy that she was with at the time was beating her. Son of a bitch didn't even bother to try to cover it up. Black eyes, spit lip, locks of hair torn out...I tried to help her leave, but she wouldn't hear of it. She said that he was just going through a rough time, and that he was getting help. I backed off, and after a couple months, things got better. But that didn't last long, and he started beating her again. One night, she came to my apartment. She had a bloody nose, black eye, and bruises everywhere."

"I helped her clean up, and she stayed with me for a few days," he explains. "In those few days, she was herself. She was...unguarded, and she laughed for the first time in months...she finally found the courage to leave her boyfriend. She moved in with her mother, and she just...blossomed. We were better than ever, and we had lots of fun together. God, Rachel was..."

Kensi hears his voice beginning to tremble, and she prepares her heart for his next words.

"Rachel was a spectacular girl," he utters solemnly. "And...I fell in love with her. Rachel was the first woman that I'd ever fallen in love with, and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I knew I couldn't just outright tell her, though, especially after what she'd been through. I was willing to wait, you know? Give it time, show her in little ways...but I think she knew, and she was...waiting for me to say so, but I was too afraid."

He pauses, and she hears him sniffle, and she wishes that she can be there right now.

"One day...it was just a regular day," he continues, taking a breath to compose himself. "We were preparing our case, and we were about to head to court. We got to her car, and her ex was waiting for her. I called 911, and she tried to talk to him, get him to leave. He was...insane. He called her horrible names, accused her of cheating...he pulled out a gun. After that, everything happened so damn fast, and...I froze. Sick bastard shot her three times, then he ran off. Rachel died right in front of me. I never got to tell her. More than that, I-I felt so angry and guilty because I couldn't...I didn't...protect her..."

"Deeks," Kensi whispers. "God...you know that it wasn't your fault."

He pauses again, and she can hear him trying to get himself under control.

"I know," he says once he calms.

Kensi is shaking at the thought of how horrific that moment must have been for him. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

"LAPD found him in his car later that evening. He'd shot himself. After it was all over, I just...hurt. Kept replaying it over and over in my head. It wasn't the first time in my life that I'd felt helpless, and defenseless. I never wanted to feel that way again, I never wanted to put myself in that position again. That's why I insisted upon not working with a female partner when I started with LAPD. I never wanted to feel that way about a woman that I have a significant risk of losing. I couldn't bear it. More than that, Rachel was the first woman I ever loved, and I thought I'd never get over it. And I guess, I never really did. I've never had a serious relationship...then I met you."

Kensi's heart pounds.

"I swear, Kens," he chuckles. "I could _not_ stop thinking about you; I couldn't stop thinking about how gorgeous you looked, and I couldn't ignore the way you made me feel. When we became partners, I was so worried about what was going to happen. All the what ifs, and the worst case scenarios started playing out in my head, but...all those doubts disappeared because you're strong, you know how to survive, and you're damn good at what you do. Sure, I still worried about you, but...working with you has changed my life, Kens."

She shakes her head, closing her eyes.

"Deeks...why are you telling me all this?"

"I'm telling you this because I found myself in that position again," he explains. "I still _am_ in that position. We-we're on the brink of losing _everything_, Kensi. It's hard to admit, but I'm to blame for that too. When I realized that I'd fallen in love with you, I knew that I had to take it slow, but I didn't want to wait too long, like I did with Rachel. I knew that I had to take the risk because I didn't want to make that mistake again. She died before I could put words to my feelings, and it took me a long time to get over that regret."

Kensi feels tears falling, and she sniffles.

"I'd been wanting to tell you that I love you for so long," he continues in a shaky voice. "And, on my birthday, I really thought that I'd have that chance to be alone with you, and perhaps have a more intimate setting...I was really hoping that those dinner plans were for us because I was thinking about telling you that I love you. But things didn't work out that way, and then the crash happened, and...all that was going through my head was that it was happening again. I almost lost you, Kensi, and I almost didn't get the chance to tell you how much I love you. I know now that I forced you to face things that you weren't ready to face. I apologize for that, Kensi."

"But on the other hand, I felt-_feel_ in my heart, my _soul_, that something deeper is between us, and I wouldn't have put everything on the line if that weren't the case...I knew that you weren't ready for it, but...I just didn't want to experience that regret all over again. I _couldn't_. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Deeks..."

"Kensi, look, the reason why I told you all of that is because I've been offered an opportunity to advance my career in NCIS."

"I thought that's why you went to the training to begin with?" Kensi asks.

"Yeah, but I had an interesting conversation with one of Hetty's...sheez, I don't even know what to call this one...but her name's Kelly Carson, she's the director of the Department of Interagency Operations."

"Oh, yeah, I've heard of her," Kensi says. "What do they want with you?"

"Don't know yet. But apparently she and Hetty feel the need to 'groom' me."

"Which is impossible," she jokes, and he laughs.

"Hey, my look is groomed to be one of a kind," he drawls, and she rolls her eyes.

The mood turns somber again.

"Anyway, Me knowing exactly what that entails is contingent upon my agreeing to do it. I have to make a decision by Monday, and whatever the job is, they want me to have a clear head. No distractions."

"I'm a distraction?" She asks.

"Yes," he says. "Kensi, I just...my heart is out there. My heart is telling me that the love that I feel for you is real, that it's something worth pursuing, and that it didn't just happen. This developed over time. Enough time that I know, Kensi, because I've gotten know you so well, I admire you, I respect you, I care about you, and I know that you have those same sentiments for me. I know that you care about me too, I know that you'd put your life on the line for me. But I also know that you know that we've got something deeper than the professional."

She combs her fingers through her hair, as she blinks her tears away.

"I do know that," she admits.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just...I _need_ to know how you really feel. I need to know because we've got to find some way to move forward. You're safe, Kens...I'm sorry for yelling at you, and for making you cry because dammit...that's the last thing I want to do to you is make you sad, or angry, or make you feel unsafe. You're safe, Kensi...and I'm going to be okay with what you have to say, I'm going to respect what you have to say because I'm not angry, I won't be angry..." He pauses to chuckle. "I never really _can_ stay mad at you."

Kensi grins. "Much as I want to, I never really can stay mad at you either."

"Please Kens...I-I can't make a decision with a clear head until I know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. I need you to be honest with me...I need you to trust me."

She feels overwhelmed, and there are so many thoughts, so many words, but, she just doesn't know what she's thinking. All she knows right now is what she _feels_, and what she feels is primal, is instinctive and reactionary: fear. Out of all of the emotions she wants to feel, fear emerges as the strongest and the most fierce because everything that she's known is threatened. The functional, safe sphere in which she operates has been thrown into chaos, and she is helpless to stop it, and she can't fix it. Not while she's broken physically, and so close to breaking mentally and emotionally. She feels at a _complete_ loss.

Kensi is very much familiar with fight or flight in the face of danger. Where things currently stand with Deeks is _dangerous_, and she is terrified, and those are her only options at this point.

Fight or flight.

She takes in a shaky breath.

"I don't know what to say, or how to say it," she begins. "But I know how I feel, Deeks...I'm scared."

_Flight._

"I'm scared, and I don't know what to do," she cries softly. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," he says quietly. "I understand, Kens. Thank you."

She sniffles.

"Whatever it is that you're going to be doing, if you decide to do it, while you're at Camp Lejeune, just be careful, okay?"

"I will," he promises.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Okay," she says. "I guess I should take a page out of your playbook, get my own head clear. Maybe things will start to make better sense."

"They will," he assures. "We're going to get through this. I don't want to lose you, Kensi. That's a regret I don't want to have to experience."

She shakes her head.

"I'll talk to you later, Deeks."

"Bye Kens."

She hangs up, and she sighs.

* * *

Deeks rubs a hand over his face, letting the pain of the memory of Rachel ease away. At his place, tucked away in a favorite novel of hers that he acquired after her death, is the clipping from _LA Times_, with her picture on it. Her family was devastated, her coworkers, including himself, were devastated. He'd never experienced grief before then, and the grief and guilty he felt over her hurt every bone in his body. He realized some time afterward that what he'd witnessed that day took him back to when he was eleven years old, and watching his mother being beaten senseless by his enraged father.

In that moment, he felt defenseless, and helpless and frozen in time and when he saw the gun, he knew he had to react. He'd jumped onto his father's back, and the surprise caused Gordon John Brandel to drop the gun. Agility was certainly on a young Martin Deeks' side, and he suddenly found himself in possession of the gun, and pulled the trigger.

Fast forward eleven more years, and he was frozen again, and Rachel died.

What people don't realize that in both of those situations, the law had failed. Rachel filed a restraining order against her ex, but he somehow got to her again. His mother, during the one time that she got up the courage to leave his father, needed help from the police to keep her and her kids safe, yet his father continued to stalk them, threaten them, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do.

After Rachel, Deeks couldn't practice law anymore. He didn't want to _practice_ it...he wanted to _enforce_ it, and protect people, help people, and give them hope and faith in a system that at it's core, is a great good. He loves his job and that passion is shaped by the struggles and tragedies he's encountered.

Telling Kensi about Rachel felt good, he'd kept that experience locked away for too long. Talking about Rachel also helped him realize that he didn't lose Kensi, that she's still here, breathing, and that despite how he feels about her, in spite of his love, he should have given things more time. She wasn't ready, she still isn't ready, to receive his feelings for her, and Deeks knows now that he shouldn't have made what happened with Rachel be the same as what was happening with Kensi.

Kensi deserved time to sort through how she felt.

He deserved time.

_They_ deserved time, but he'd been too stubborn to realize it at the time.

He'd been selfish, too...foolish, and Hetty's words at the hospital surface in his mind.

Sighing, he takes out the business card that Kelly gave him, and dials her number.

"Director Carson."

"Hi, Director, it's Detective Deeks," he begins. "I've made a decision."


End file.
